Saturday, April 16, 2005

What Would She Want?

That is a question I ponder most everyday. What would she want...that is...what in the world would she want most. Of course I am speaking of that person I still hold the flame for. I ask myself this question...not knowing the answer. Is she as happy as she should be? Has her life been as fulfilling as it should be? Does she have secret dreams known only to herself? Questions I wish I knew the answer to. But I do not know...nor does it seem likely I will in the near future.
I can only guess and surmise at what may be...not what is. I look at the past...process the information as I knew it...and make rough estimates from there. Based on my own experiences and beliefs...I construe the best possible scenario out of many possible events.

There really is no logic to this process...just feelings...longings...and emotion.
Scientific...it is not. But I operate in the world of emotion...as I am an emotional
being driven by illogical reason. Why do I torture myself so? Well...love is a very powerful emotion...one that can control even the most disciplined person.
So it is with me. My emotional attachment to her still holds true after all this time. When I saw her virtual double at Fox 2 days ago...it only served to renew the ties which bind me. I can't help but believe that she still thinks of me from time to time. To have an experience such as that which happened to us 13 years ago...is something never to be forgotten.

If she has any thought of me left...I would like to think that it was of good times, rather than bad. If she has any feelings for me left...I would like to think they are as strong as mine have been all these years. Maybe someday she will reveal to me what she wants most in the world...maybe not. But it can never be said that I lost the faith....Vaya con Dios

Friday, April 15, 2005

Pets from Hell!

I figured you would like to see my 2 pets straight from the depths of hell. At times they seem like it anyway. I think most pople would agree that a spider with a nearly 12 inch leg span would qualify as one hell of a beast. It is most impressive and aggressive. Not to mess with....the fangs are almost 2 inches long!

I also have my lazy cat "Ghost". You can see why I called him that. How many cats have you seen with a ghost face on their back.
Very unique to say the least.


My Goliath Birdeater Tarantula...what nightmares are made of. I keep it at my cousin's office. Almost 12 inch legspan! Posted by Hello


My cat "Ghost". Notice the ghoulish face on his back. He was born that way. Posted by Hello

Mail the taxes time!

I'm off to the post office to drop off my cursed taxes. Can you believe it...I actually owe those blood sucking leaches money this year. My adjusted income was not much over 4 grand...and I still have to pay. I hope Oprah, Trump and Gates can sleep well at night. Ridiculous is my word for it. I know illegal aliens who made 5 times the money I did last year...at least someone gets to live the "American Dream". God knows it is not a large segment of the population of citizens here.

What a hypocracy we live in. I couldn't even count the number of military veterans living on benches, or under bridges here in LA...while there are an estimated 4 million illegal aliens living in LA County...most of whom have some type of income...and a roof over their heads. Don't forget about the free education and medical for themselves and their kids. I wonder why homeless veterans don't get this treatment. It is a disgusting shame and our politicians should be utterly embarrassed to let this happen. Typical spoiled fat cats...as long as they don't have to deal with abject poverty...then in their minds...it dosn't really exist.

Bah...humbug...stinking rotten taxes!

Tax Day = Indentured Servant Day

Just call me the king of procrastination. I haven't even touched my taxes yet. Why...you might ask? Given the paltry amount of money I earned last year...it hardly seems worth it. I'll just whip out a 10EZ form and off it goes. I'll be lucky just to get a couple of bucks back...by the time I pay the tax on that unemployment insurance I used. That really makes sense...doesn't it. I mean the reason you are using unemployment is...duh...you are not working! No job means not earing income...yet despite this...they still want you to pay tax on the unemployment insurance that has already been taxed from the employer. Typical government crap to get their hands on more of your money.

Ahhh yes...the huddled masses...yearning to be free. Not in this country will you be. About the only thing you are truly free to do is become poor...lose your job...family...home and respect. People don't realize the amount of laws that are on the books to control nearly every aspect of our lives. Layers upon layers of ordinances...statutes...mandates...caveats...regulations...all to better our lives; so we are told. Municipal, County, State and Federal laws govern everything we do. We are told where to live, how to live, what we can have...or what we cannot have. You need a permit for almost everything...building, driving, hunting, fishing, camping...etc. The US has more laws and regulations than almost any other country...including China and Russia. Scary...isn't it? Land of the free my ass! You still have the freedom to belly up though.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Back From Fox Studios

I just got back from Fox Studios in Studio City (near Hollywood). Drove right into the set lot and went to the commissary arera. Pretty cool, we were right next to where "The Simpson's" are produced at. Saw alot of cast members from Fox shows...and a lot of outstanding women. A good day...nice and warm. They even fed us lunch...a BBQ. Damn nice of them for doing that. I went to their employee store and got a Simpsons beach bash freezer mug. Basically a clear plastic mug which has Homer swimming around trying to grab floating cans of Duff beer. It's great. They also had some actual Simpsons art production cells for sale...but the cheapest started at $400. Too rich for my blood. The most expensive one was $1,500.

Wouldn't you know it. One woman who showed up to talk to us looked very similar to my old flame. Even her first name was the same. It was remarkable how closely they resembled each other. Same build...petite. Same length hair...eyes...smile etc. Like deja vu all over again. I was instantly transported back in time as her likeness jarred my memories from their slumber. I felt those same familiar feelings surge forth...as if it were really her standing in front of me. I can tell you with truth...my heart pounded...my palms sweated and my body trembled. Yes...after 13 years she still has that kind of effect over me. Guess I'll be caught up in her reverie for the next few days...at least! Sigh.......

Wednesday, April 13, 2005


No Words Needed Posted by Hello

SUCCESS!!!!

Finally...I got pics to post on my home computer. I put up a pic of Hells Gate in Death Valley. This is just before you drop down into the bottom. I no longer have that POS civic though...sold it. The tempature officially that day was 125 degrees...no AC...no power...no extra water...no spare tire...no cell phone...Oh Yea!!!!!


Hells Gate - Death Valley - August 2004 Posted by Hello

Absolutely Frustrating

That is how I feel about trying to get this blog to upload photos. I am not impressed with their proprietary software. Although the Picasa 2 software seems to work fine...it is useless without their Hello software. I uninstalled it...reinstalled it...and it still will not let me log in. Blogger should have an alternative way to post photos that can be used through windows, or some other method that does not require those programs. It is very disappointing indeed.

Estoy aqui en cuerpo, pero no corazon y alma.

Es verdad...pero por que? No puedo entiendo mi pasado y mi amor... para ella que vive en el estado de Arizona. Ella tiene muy bonitas ojos y sonrisa como el sol. Yo comprendo solomente sobre que quero en mi corazon de hoy. Yo soy un hombre que amo esta dia con ella y por todo tiempo. No recuerdo quando yo tengo una vida feliz desde mi pasado o futuro! Mi alma gritos para la mujer cada dia...pero nunca mi Alma no peude respueste mi voz. La miranda tiene muy cambios en differente partes del esta pais. Un dia esta como el diablo y otra dia esta como la mariposa. Mismo que ella en mi vida loca. Que lastima!

Well...that concludes the biligual portion of this post. Hey...it may not be perfect, but at least I am trying. For some odd reason...lamenting love seems more romantic in spanish than does it in english. I guess that is why they are called "romance" languages. At times I will listen to the boleros (love songs) on 96.3 El Sol, here in LA. If that doesn't shake those old memories loose...nothing will. Not to mention...it's a good way to learn to listen to spanish. They are slow and clear enough to pick up many of the words. Some are truly haunting.

Regarding music...I like some variety...classic rock...older country...blues and jazz...and of course some foreign. It really depends on the mood I am in. I do know that she likes country as well...for on certain nights back in Georgia...I would hear it wafting through the walls of my room. Sad songs of lost love, death and misery. Trademarks of that genre. When my father was alive and driving trucks...I would go with him at times to help out in the summer. Big tractor-trailers with reefers full of beef. He would always listen to country music...usually the older stuff. I suppose that is how I started listening to it. When you live in rural Idaho, at least back then, there was not much choice in music. I can imagine the same conditions exist for rural eastern Arizona. Quite a ranching area.

Again I find myself lost in memories that just will not fade. I just cannot shake her memory. If ever there was something that lasts forever...it has to be true love. At least for me it has. I have not even seen her for well over a decade...yet I can love no other. I point out that there is a big difference between love and lust. At least for me there is. I can see many beautiful women...but do I love them? No...not like I love her. Love is a much deeper and profound feeling. Something that has a connection between souls that cannot be easily explained. It has been a long journey for me. One that has been very draining...but one I would not trade for anything. For of all the people I have liked...and loved...she has had the strongest and most profound impact upon me. I feel the connection and bond still holds strong for me. I can't say what it holds for her, as many years have past between us. This is what the mystery of life holds...the uncertainty of life, love and death. I would have it no other way.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Fox Studios and Stuff

Thursday I get to accompany my cousin out to Fox Studios for something he has to do there. I volunteered to come along to check it out. Should be interesting...though he will only be there 2 hours. I will just relax and watch the people go by...who knows...might even see a celebrity. He tells me that he is going to be across "The Simpsons" studio. That should be worth a look see. Beats laying at home all stoved up.

This morning, my back was hurting quite severely. I had to take a few prescription (mine) pain killers to calm it down. I can say that it has never been the same after I injured it at TSA in 2003. Some days hurt more than others. I never know when...it just happens. It certainly makes you feel old beyond your years.

I have pets that I take care of. Only one really needs any care...and that's my lazy, fat, cat...named Ghost. I also have a large 20" Irian Jaya Blue Tongue Skink (lizard). A beautiful orange phase...tame as a kitten. Kids at schools and events love it when I bring him. I let them use him for educational purposes sometimes. These lizards never bite, can't run much, don't jump and can't really climb. An excellent lizard for you couch potatoes...and kids. They are expensive though...at least 2 or 3 hundred dollars each.

My last little pet cannot be handled...as it is quite aggressive...and with fangs nearly 2 inches long...quite painful. It will bite and for it's size...is very fast. It climbs well too. You might be thinking it is a snake. Nope. Actually it is the largest species of spider in the world. The Goliath Bird Eater from South America. Mine is a large female with a legspan the size of a dinner plate. Trust me...it is huge. Though the venom is really nontoxic to humans...if you got bitten by it...you would definately know it. It eats just about anything. Bugs...beetles...months...lizards...mice etc. If you remember the movie Arachnaphobia...it resembles that big one chasing the guy in the basement...and it is almost that big. But unlike the movie...it can't think, plot or scheme...it has such a primitive brain. It won't jump out at you either.

What it does do however...is use stridation. It rubs the hairs under it's body together and makes hissing sounds when confronted. It will rear up on it's back legs with its fangs and front legs extended out. Most intimidating. It also has another defense mechanism...irticating hairs on it's abdomen. When threatened...it uses it's back legs to flip off these very fine hairs at would be attackers. They are barbed and boy do they itch. I know...I have gotten a face full of them on occasion. If you have ever been stung by stinging nettle plants...well...that's what the hairs feel like. It takes forever to wash them out...and if the get in your eyes...ouch! A cool spider anyway. I have had many offers to sell it...as it is worth probably 4 to 5 hundred dollars.

Well...that's about all for now. Have a good day.

Monday, April 11, 2005

The Monday Morning Blues

We all know how Monday's are...yuck! Don't you wish they could rename them. It always represents the end of the freedom of the weekend...back to the old saltmines. Of course...this only concerns people who actually have to work on Monday. Thankfully...the Long Beach Grand Prix is over...so are the people, traffic and noise. I can get back to my old routine once again. The same old rut...here in Bluesville USA. I noticed that the Border Patrol is once again hiring entry level agents. The announcement was released this morning on the USA JOBS website. Too bad I am too old now-lol. The cutoff for the age limit is 37.

Next...there was another wreck outside my apartment...again! It was moderate, but fortunately...no major injuries. I helped out others who were already on scene. Of course...I had my trusty camera with me again...and more "action" shots were taken. That intersection sure is a magnet for accidents. I have seen plenty of wrecks the time I have been there.

It is a nice sunny day here in Long Beach...and warm too. Nice spring weather could not come soon enough...as I really don't like rain too much.

Lastly...gas here is through the roof. A number of places have it priced at $3 a gallon or more already. I sure hope I can afford to drive to my nephew's wedding in South Dakota in June. I can't believe the government just lets these oil companies gouge the consumers the way they do. The oil industry has made more profits than ever this year...but our elected leaders just look the otherway. I guess the kickbacks and favors are just too much for them to ignore. A really sad state of affairs indeed. Hmm, I wonder what she is doing down in Arizona right now? Probably hard at work...keeping America safe from terrorists, drug dealers, smugglers, coyotes...and the like. Wish I could be doing the same thing...with her in particular. Sigh.......

Why is the "LISA" domain visiting my site so often?

Another mystery I have come across is most perplexing. As anyone can see who checks out my blog...I have a site meter activated on it. This is a free service that gives minimal statistatical information on how many users access your site...the page views and the time spent. Although the service does not reveal who is on your site...it does give the domain name...if known...of all who stop by. So it is that I have my mystery.

For several months now...someone operating windows XP under the LISA domain name has been checking out my site with regular frequency. They are the most frequent visitor...and spend more time reading it, than anyone else. If they are visiting for their own curiosity...or because they know who I am and like my stories...then I am honored that they would continually return. I have no problems with activity that is harmless in nature.

However...I am wondering if this LISA entity is accessing my site so much for such reasons as Identity Theft...Fraud...Criminal Activity...or for Law Enforcement and Investigative purposes.
I am concerned because the internet is filled with crooks, thieves,
spammers, hackers and...not least...law enforcement types. Not that I am doing anything wrong, but given my track record with the government over the last 13 years...nothing would surprise me now! I have asked readers to provide comments anonymously, but the most frequent visitor..."LISA"...has never responded. This makes me most suspicous of their motivation for visiting my site so much.

I would hate to have to shut down this site because of hackers, spammers, criminals or law enforcement/government investigators trying to build a bogus case against me out of spite. I am not asking that "LISA" identify themselves...I respect privacy as much as the next person...but I am asking that this entity let me know if their interest in my site is for criminal or law enforcement purposes.

I will await any response to my request before deciding if I will close this site...for my own security and safety. I have too many things going on right now to worry about whether some criminal element is up to no good...or some investigator is trying to set me up for something I did not do. I hope that you can understand my worries about this...but I really need to know if your intentions are good, or bad. I am asking that whoever it is operating under the LISA domain name please respond to my inquiry in the comments section below(you don't have to sign in or give a name)...or by email...and letting me know what is up.

I hate to ask for this...but as you have no doubt read in my stories...I have a long history of not being a favorite son of the government. They have played dirty before...and I can expect no less in the future. I apologize for any inconvenience this may cause you...and sincerely wish for you to keep visiting...so long as you are not a crook, or some law enforcement/government invesitgator who is trying to nail me for something I never did.

I look forward to receiving your response soon so I can put my mind...and suspicions...at ease. Thank you very much.