Daydreaming...ortra vez.

Sitting and listening to music on my computer. Oh why do I have to torture myself like I do?
It starts out OK, but then comes the songs which inspire my thoughts and dreams. I start remembering her and what was done...what has transpired since then...what could have been. I see her grainy photo on the class photos I have kept. I see in her eyes still...the deep bonds that once echoed between our souls.

Why can't I put her out of my mind...after all...it has been over 13 years ago. But the fact remains...I can't. I have never found another like her. What has she done all these years? I don't know. I dream thoughts of my life in an alternate universe. Perhaps in that alternate realm...things worked out. We were not forced apart...I was not humilated and disgraced...we became so much more than friends. My life there would hold so much more laughter, happiness and joy. I would have found my soulmate and would be so content. To experience these things was not to be my destiny in this realm. I sure hope my double in the parallel universe counts his blessings. He should be thankful he did not become the failure I have.

I have failed in life...that much is true. My career....destroyed. My ambitions...crushed. My friendships...long since vanished. My love...forbidden. My finances...a mess. My health...failing.
What more could I ask of the God that has the power to improve my lot...but refuses? So it is with these grapes of wrath does my doppleganger thrive. Not in this existence...this reality...this plane. Not even in the daydreams I conjour...can he more than a phantom. But somewhere beyond my knowledge and understanding...I hope for his continued success. Somewhere in space and time...he is loving her...and she him. They have forged the bonds created in the heavens. Stronger than all the evils of this world...they can not be broken.

How does it feel to flush one's life down the toilet? Ask me...and I will impart unto you a story filled with trust, emotion, love...betrayal, hate and scorn. I have ran the gambit of human experience...and it cost me that which I held most dear. At least my dreams are safe from destruction...for now. So I dance with her...talk to her...hold her...kiss her and love her.

This is all I have left to continue my life on. Fortunately...it is enough. I have little demands or needs. I dry place to stay, a roof over my head and food to eat. With this I can survive. I will not be happy...but I will survive. If only I could trade places with my doppleganger. In my daydreams...I can...if only for a second. Sigh..............