The Dating Game.....sigh!

Here is something that happened recently that makes one think. The dating scene in America....is it just me....or does it happen like this all over? My case in point.

Last Friday...I was down watching my friend's bowling team at league play. Well....he and his team-mates are always trying to be matchmaker for me. Well....last Friday there was this girl who they said was interested in me. Not that I was looking....as I have not been able to shake my love of "Anna" from so long ago. But they insisted I play along and see what developes. So I did. She seemed to be interested enough.....I even bought her a drink....to which she thanked me several times. She was talkative and friendly. So for several hours of bowling (not me....back injury), I played along.

But yesterday....here we go again. The same girl was quite unresponsive....not too talkative and somewhat distant and cold. I tried to buy her another drink.....as my friends insisted, but she refused it. For the rest of the time, she barely looked at me and just as soon as she had finished bowling....she left. I noticed that she was on her cell phone several times over the course of bowling....talking to someone. I don't know who.

Not that I had any real attachment or affection for the girl....but it did seem strange of her behavior from one week....to the next. It really brought back some memories of my difficulties communicating with "Anna" 13 years ago. Is it just me? Am I such a loser in the romance department? It would seem so....judging from the luck I have had with women. I guess I just no good with women....a born hermit.

I can probably attribute this deficiency by not being properly socialized in school. I was a classic geek, nerd etc... Never had dates and I was not popular. So I never really got to interact with women on a personal level. I never got the chance to learn the trade of the dating game. Same thing with college....I just could not talk to women. They scared me to death. I could pick up deadly snakes and spiders....no problem. I could drive a souped up car way over the speed limit.....no problem. I could walk into a strangers yard to ask about an old car....no problem. I could venture alone around the world....no problem.

But.....women....they were another story altogether. For this...I was scared. The fear of rejection and humiliation was a danger even greater than the stupid things I had done in my life. It should not have to be this way, but for some people...it is.

That was probably why I could not talk to "Anna" as I should have all those years ago. Why I ended up failing so miserably. Yes....I am a failure at the dating game.....that is my destiny. I have paid for that failure many times over. Never to learn....never to get it right......never to know the joy. My burden...my cross....my chains to bear.

Sigh.........

Rainy Day in LA

Well....I just got back from helping my cousin with his setup at the Arbor festival at Santa Clarita. That is a small town about 40 miles north of LA. It was raining quite heavily. We are about to break the all time rain total for a year in LA...almost 35 inches now. It is supposed to rain again on Wednesday....feels like Seattle here.

I hope that it clears up soon.....as cabin fever is setting in. I would rather see the sun and be hot anyday.....than have it rain all the time.

Limpid Pools of Dark Water.

That is about as close as I can come to describe how my long lost love's eyes were. You see....she has probably the most beautiful eyes of any girl I have know. Large and expressive. Some people would say "doe" eyes. I am a real softy for eyes like that. I am sure that was what attracted me to her in the first place. Her eyes are very dark brown....almost black. I really liked that about her.

I can see them today as if she were standing right in front of me.
When she was happy....the expressions would beam like shining star light. The twinkle would sparkle like jewels caught in limpid pools of water. That was the power they held. It was as if a trance had overtaken me.....a power that could not be denied.
I could see into her eyes as deep as her soul would let me. That would be a time most precious and moving. It would be my rapture of what love had meant. I was under her spell...one that could not be broken. That was when she was happy.

But, conversly, when she was sad, or angry, then her eyes were like onto a prison. For just as easily could I be drawn into her world of sorrow, pain and fear. Her soul would bare all through the look of her eyes. I could not look for long, as the pain was too much to bare. How a person like me could have caused her beautiful eyes to shed so many tears.....I do not know. That was the hardest of it all...to see those tears of sorrow stream down her face. That too I see as if it were just yesterday. And as I saw her....so too did I respond in kind. My empathy tied to her soul, her heart and her mind.

So there you have it. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The euphoria and the depression. The yen and the yang.
It was all in one package....a delicate flower that would be difficult to open....but once bloomed.....could take your breath away.
I will not soon forget what I saw in her eyes. The communication of which no words were needed. The invisible connection of the souls of 2 beings....a higher plane of existence that but a few can share.
Like limpid pools of dark water.....they are.

Waiting for the FLSA

You might be curious to know what "FLSA" stands for. It is the acronym for Fair Labor Standards Act. A law that governs how overtime is paid....among other things. Well.....it seems that my short career with the INS had a slight benefit. The governement illegally put most of its' personnel in the wrong FLSA category....as exempt under that act.

Now they have to pay back all of the current and former INS employees who were working at the times given. That includes me...as I have already been recognized as a claimant. The government has been dragging this case out for years...so they wouldn't have to pay us the illegally withheld overtime. I won't get too much back....as I only was covered under about a year of the period. But I have a friend still with the INS who was covered for the whole time span.....1991 through 1998. He will probably receive in excess of $20,000. Now that is nice.

As usual....it is hurry up and wait.....typical government. Oh....I forgot to mention, that claimants will receive all the backpay owed, plus 100%. Now that is nice!

My Very Short Acting Career.

I did at one time appear in a very big budgeted bomb. A movie labeled as one of the worst made. A movie so terrible....even with big stars and much funding....has never been released to video of DVD. Hmmmm....what could that movie be....you might wonder? Well, it had some top name stars in it.....such as Sir Lawrence Olivia, George Peppard, Richard Roundtree, David Jensen and Olivia DeHaviland. Still don't know yet? How about a few more clues. It was made in 1979 and released in 1981. It was a war flick that took place in North East Asia....in a location made famous by General Douglas McAurthur. The country is often referred to as "the land of the moring calm". Well, for those of you that were ever over there....the last clue should be a dead giveaway. But for those who were not.....the movie recalls the invasion of Inchon harbor during the Korean war in the early fifties.

Yes....it was a huge failure at the box office. One reason....it was funded my the "Moonies". This is a "christian" cult founded by Sun Myung Moon. A very controversial figure indeed. He bankrolled the entire production. How did I get in this you may wonder?

Well.....it started that September day in 1979 when I noticed a small sign in the USO office. It read something like....wanted, extras for big production movie.....so I applied. Lucky for me it was a war film....as they were looking for military personnel to play bit parts. Next thing I knew.....I was told I was hired to be an extra in the battle scenes and that my rate of pay was $45 per day of shooting. I did about 3 days of actual work....but the experience was worth the effort. My job in the movie was to be an army sargeant at the Inchon landing. It was quite fun shooting communists off of the rooftops. I remember watching that film when it came out in 1981. There I was.....standing amid the field of battle....trying to unjam my old M1 Garand rifle. Not a real one of course...but a replica that could shoot blanks. It jammed on me...and that's when I was caught on film...most embarassing.
I guess it had that look of reality....as it seemed quite real at the time.....with all the shooting, bombs and mortars going off.
It felt like someone really was going to pick me off....as I stood there, trying to free up the rifle's breach.

But even better than that....was my lunch with Sir Lawrence Olivia. He was playing McAurthur....a legendary general. We sat down together for about 20 minutes and ate a sandwich....in between shoots. Now that was very memorable....and I have a few good photos I took to remember it by. Yes.....it was to be my only "acting" job....and brief it was. But what an experience.

To Stand Upon the Edge of Time

It is with this thought, that do I fall.
Time is the enemy.... of us all.
Never let the clock win too fast.
That should your soul....do time outlast.

The wall is high upon this place,
Like unto them.....should time race.
When comes upon the dearth of fate,
Should not you rise and contemplate.

To stand upon the edge of time.
For thy tears, should not they come.
When I think of you.....my loved one.
Lost forever in my heart.
Always close....but worlds apart.

To always stand upon the edge of reason.
The cold wind blows in this vengeful season.
Never to forget the hate.
The words hurt more than time can take.

It is with this I feel the pain.
My laughter gone, my soul ashamed.
Your eyes were dark, like endless pools.
The tears of when I think of you.

Endless nights....alone in time.
It is my punishment, that I do find.
For fate and time are one of the same.
They steal my dreams, my heart, my soul.
Robbers of whom I do not I know.

Blinded by the emotions I feel.
The time is now....or never will.
Love may last a thousand years.
But our frail bodies do not heal.

Time is precious....like the sun.
It gives us life....but just as equal.
It brings forth death...like some bad sequel.
Fleeting moments caught in flight.
These things we fear...in long dark nights.

So as I go upon my way.
I look to you and hope to say.
Never leave the words hate undone.
Not to cry and then off run.

My life is but a grain of sand.
Without you here, my time's at hand.
For fate does plot in most heinous ways.
A parting shot that comes to stay.

Blood of saints and sinners flow.
Far be it for me, to judge your soul.
For in your heart, body and mind.
Are your thoughts, emotions, and fears I find.

The time is soon upon our choices.
For not much longer, can we hear our voices.
When all is silent...dead and gone.
No matter more....our thoughts of long.

To stand upon the edge of time.
And feel thy mighty words you state.
As if it were your lasting hate.

I ask your forgiveness...just this once.
No matter who was wrong, or right.
The end is coming, as sure as fate.
So many more feelings, than I can state.

To stand upon the edge of time.
And see your face, your eyes, your hair.
To hear your voice speak so fair.
I knew what was, so long ago.

But now it has been many years past.
To hold a grudge this long, can't last.
Some day I hope your mind to change.
Far better to heal, than continue the pain.

That is my wish..if ever I had.
To heal the rift, the feelings of bad.
Our wounds of old...to mend them now.
To make our words again a vow.

To stand upon the edge of time.
And throw back pain that broke our lives.
Again to renew the feelings once felt.
It is my hope, your cold heart to melt.

To stand upon the edge of time.
And proudly proclaim...all is just fine.

Who is Alive Out There?

I was just sitting here at my computer again wondering just how many people actually read the stuff I put on here. Besides being a journal......I would hope it has some entertainment value to whomever checks out this site. I would like to know what anyone thinks of the dribble I publish......from time to time. I can understand that some people are very reserved and would rather just read about the misery of some one else. That's perfectly fine. Please keep reading. But if you are opinionated....feel free to leave comments....or email me about anything you might have questions about - . I do believe there are several "regulars" who keep up on my saga. I would appreciate feedback....if you don't mind. You don't have to tell me anything about yourself......but I could get an idea why you find my site interesting. Thanks for reading my stories.....there will be many more to come. Not to mention the ongoing saga of Volume 2 of my minibook.

Buried Nuclear Waste?

This story involves my short career as a private investigator back in 1997. I was hired by the John T. Lynch Company, a private investigation firm in LA....now out of business. We conducted investigations for both civil and criminal matters.....as the client requested. As it was.....I had to go with Mr. Lynch and assist him in an investigation in Calexico. This is a small border town in California. The matter was regarding theft and criminal misconduct of employees of Laidlaw Environmental Services.

As we both interviewed the employees.....under the guise of internal auditors for the company.....we became aware of the vast amount of theft and misconduct that certain employees were engaged in. In the end....it added up to well over $100,000 in materials and services. Most of the theft was being committed by several high ranking managers of that field office. I had the responsibility of making the final report as well. It was like these people were operating in their own feudal kingdoms down there. They were selling much of stolen material across the border in Mexicali.

Well.....as it turned out....we had to interview the head manager several times because of his involvement in the acts. It was during his last interview that he revealed some very startling information.
According to his testimony.....contaiminated nuclear waste was being shipped from Japan to Mexico. From there, he and several other employees arranged to have the waste snuck across the border into the US and it was buried somewhere in the desert near Calexico. According to his testimony.....this had gone on several years.....and there was quite a lot of waste hidden. He refused to tell us exactly where it was at. I completed the report that included this information and sent it to our client....Laidlaw Corporate Offices. We had requested that they retain our firm so we could follow up on the reputed buried waste.....as our initial contract and funding did not include this area of investigation.

We finally received a reply from Laidlaw.....and they specifically told us that we were done with any investigation in that location....and that they were going to "handle" it internally.
We never heard another word from Laidlaw after that. I assume they whitewashed the report so as not to get in trouble with the government and have the feds get involved. If there is nuclear waste buried out there.....I imagine it is still there. Now that's food for thought. I passed the information aong to the Nuclear Regulatory Commission......I don't know what actions they took....
as I have heard nothing further since 1997.

It makes you wonder what else has been brought across the border
all these years.....how many terrorists.....or weapons.