Sorry...still no Photos

I am having a real hard time getting the blog pic software to work correctly. I think one of the problems may be my proxy server. If that is the case...then the Hello and Picasa programs are not supporting proxy servers at this time...so I am told. I hope they hurry up and add support so I can post pics. I am sure some of you would like to see a few of the "action shots" of the the wreck I witnessed yesterday. Sorry...there is no blood and gore.

If anyone knows how to get pics posted on Blogger without having to use the Picasa and Hello programs...I would sure love to hear abou it.

Oh...I found a Luna moth yesterday. What is a Luna moth...you may ask. They are quite beautiful large moths that are light green in color. They have wingspans of perhaps 6 inches or more. The males have large antenna for finding the females through pheromones. This particular one was on the side of a building where I live. A big male. The color was amazing...almost irridescent green. I can see why they are called Luna moths...as their color gives off an almost moonlight glow. I looked at it for awhile...even held it...then let it go about it's way. A most impressive creature.

Too bad I didn't remember to get a couple of photos of it. Luna moth...hmmm...reminds me now of a certain girl I used to know...yes...the same one. Mysterious...beautiful...glowing...and radiant. I can see the similarities. The way-back machine is working again Mr. Peabody and I am the first passenger on board! Sigh.......

Frida Kahlo - Artista de Mexico

Last night I watched a special on PBS on the Mexican artist, Frida Kahlo. It was very moving for me...as many of her struggles struck cords in my own life. In particular...she had fallen in love with an older man...when she was about 17. He too was a famous Mexican artist, Diego Rivera. Her life was filled with strife, pain and heartache. In all of her young life...she died at 47...she never stopped loving Diego. Though she had married several times...had affairs and even had women...she only had one true love. That was Diego. I sad and moving story it was. I could relate to it in so many ways. Her paintings were extreme and graphic. She had done many stylized self portraits...that were stunning...to say the least. Many were her interetations of the pain in her life...some were quite gory and bloody. You could definately tell that she was painting from her most intimate regions of thought.

Apparently, when she was alive...her art was worth little (typical artist, you have to die before you are worth value!). Recently, one of her larger works sold at auction for 1.2 million dollars.
A hefty price for sure. Isn't it amazing that so many artists have to suffer so much before they
do their best work. A kindred spirit...her and I. Like her...one true love do I have...and so it is with artists like us. Like her, I have felt the pain of years of suffering. The one thing missing is that I have yet to take up the paint brush, pen and pencil again. I have yet to get over my art causing so much trouble 13 years ago. Perhaps someday I will again lift the brush to canvas...the pen to paper...the pencil to pad. But it will not be this day.

Kindred spirits indeed...Frida and I.

Another Day

I really don't know what is wrong with blogger.com, but it is almost impossible to post anything. This has been a problem for 2 days now. I hope they get it fixed soon. Anyway...
the last several days have been leading up to the Toyota Grand Prix of Long Beach. This CART style race is murder for the residents who live by it. For 3 days there is nothing but the whining and droning of the cars. I try and disappear because of the noise and the people. The traffic is a real nightmare.

The weather here is OK, but a little windy and chilly. I sure am glad spring is here...and summer will be even better. The last week has been kind of a blue week for me. Between my financial mess...and the snails pace of my problems with Social Security, Workers Compensation and TSA...it is quite draining. Slowly the government is wearing me down. Eroding my will to fight...hoping I will just fade away forever. Then I had to shell out 100 bucks just to get my phone turned back on. Not much fun at all. I guess they figure if they wait me out long enough...maybe I'll die before they have to do anything. I don't plan on giving them that satisfaction. But...it is getting much more difficult to keep my head above water...so to speak. The financial pressure is the greatest. It is not easy living in LA with no income.

It is fortunate that I have this site to turn to. It is a great way for me to escape the problems I have...even if just for a little while. I have a forum in which to air my thoughts. I find that I feel better after I post. I can explain myself to those who would care. It is also an avenue for me to communicate with people who have known me over the years. Since I cannot contact directly the one I still love...for unfortunate reasons...it is a good way to get across what I think and feel without forcing myself on her. It is her choice if she wants to read what I have written...as it should be. If she should happen to read the pages I post...it is not my intent to offend. I encourage her...and all who stop by...to please keep doing so. It makes me feel better knowing that at least someone cares enough to take time out of their day to read my thoughts. Being of the artistic mind and soul...it is my window to the world. Sometimes what I write is brutally frank...but that is my nature...I will not sugar coat what I say for anyone. I would expect the same of anyone else.

Yes...it is just another day if the life of a reluctant rebel...like me.

They Should Have Stayed In Bed.

It was about 6:30am and I had just been jarred out of slumber by a loud crashing sound just outside of my apartment. Sure enough...another wreck just happened at the intersection. I peered out the window to see what had happened. It was a doozy all right. There in the middle of the intersection was a new black Ford Explorer on it's side. Parts was everwhere. Then I saw a Long Beach yellow cab with extensive front end damage. There was a third car also damaged. The horn on the explorer was blaring away. I quickly called 911 and threw on some clothes and grabbed my digital camera. By the time I got down there...paramedics were already pulling the injured man out of the overturned explorer. They must have been right around the corner, because it had only been several minutes since I called 911. Since they had the scene under control and were helping the injured drivers...I called into service my trusty camera for some great action shots. I will get them uploaded to my computer today so I can check them out. Good thing I took them before the police arrived, because once they got there they prohibited photographing the scene. Someone is definately going to pay big time on this one. Yellow cab better hope their driver was not at fault.

Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.

Post Test.....Maybe?

I am really getting sick of trying to post and then not having it go through. This is especially frustrating when I have written a lenthy post and then I have to rewrite it all over again...4 times now! Hey Blogger.com...what the hell is going on?

If You Are Reading This....Then You Know

Then you know what I am about. What my stand on the issues are. What matters in my world. Of whom do I care for...and of whom I do not. You know my struggles and battles. You know of my achievements and failures. You are privy to my most inner thoughts and emotions. You have seen what makes me who I am...and who I am not. You have listened quietly while I have explained my self. You have watched as I have bared my soul for all to see. You have seen and felt my weaknesses. You have known the love for which I have held for so many years. You know that I am a mere mortal man...prone to the failings we all must endure. You know that I feel pain and regret beyond all comprehension. You know that I miss you terribly so. You know that I wish to make the wrong things right. You know that I wish to make amends. You know that I hold true sorrow and remorse. You know I am reaching out for understanding and forgiveness. You know of whom I speak. You know of which direction my words travel.

In my words shall you find my forgiveness and apology. In my isolation shall you find my endurance. In my heart shall you find my love. In my tears shall you find my sorrow. In my cries shall you find my pain. In my eyes shall you find my truth.

If you are reading this, then you know me on a level that few will ever experience. If you remember me...then remember my face...my voice...my laughter...my tears...and my fears. It is so little that I ask. For I would surely do the same for you. If you remember me...know who I was...not as I am.
Not as a broken shell of a man that exists today...but as an energetic, vibrant, adventurous and youthful soul of yesteryear. Remember what was said and done then...and compare that to what is said now. I ask only for understanding and compassion. If you are reading this...then you know.

Today's Thoughts

Here it is, 5 days into the month already and I am stuck in limbo land. Do you ever find yourself trapped...like you can't get out of first gear? That's what I am feeling right now. I have been stuck for so long now...I can barely remember the last forward motion that I have had. The monotomy of it all. Same in and same out...day after day. The same old routine...will it never end? I need some adventure...some excitement...some travel. Anything to get out of this rut I am stuck in. I haven't had a good adventure...I mean a really good adventure...since my trip to Glynco. I am way overdue. I guess I can look forward to that drive to South Dakota in June for my nephew's wedding.
That's a good start.

Now...on to other things. The outrageous price of gas. Here in SoCal we have the most expensive gas in the country. The typical price of regular unleaded is now around $2.42 a gallon. Ouch! Be thankful you don't live here. Now we find out that Mobile-Texaco is buying out Unicol. I can only imagine what the price of gas will be this summer. It figures though...because of my trip to South Dakota in June.

I am still trying to get the Picassa 2 software to work right, It is not letting me log in. I will probaly have to unistall it, then reinstall from scratch. Had it been working properly, I would have had some pics up by now. Hopefully by the fin de semana. Those 2 Academy photocopies I have are really turning out great. The MS Digital Image Suite 10 is amazing. You wouldn't believe how nice they cleaned up. I will post a "before" and an "after" so you can see the difference.
I would highly recommend that product for anyone who is into digital photography. A good scanner makes a world of difference too.

Lastly...I had another dream last night about her. I seem to get one every few weeks. They seem so real...I can usually remember most of the details. Talking about ingrained in my subconscience mind. The scenarios are usually the same...with slightly different storylines. Most center around the Academy and what happened there...although a few have had other locales. Too bad real life doesn't imitate dreams. If that were so...I would have patched things up long ago. Speaking of dreams. Have you ever wondered just how they are formed? I have. Just think...that in the span of a few short minutes...a whole episode of some event can happen. I don't know about anyone else...but I often dream about places or things I know I have never seen before. Made up places I suspect. How is it that the mind can put together a story that is cohesive where it can be understood is beyond me. This is particularly true of places, people or events that I have never encountered in the real world. It just seems odd to me that whatever creates these dreams for each person...has a way of adding color, sound, effects and a logical story...so that you can at least follow it along in your sleep. Even if you don't understand the meaning of it. How is it that the brain can create unknown and strange places and events that you, personally, have never seen before? How is it that the dreams are usually in your native language...when there is dialog? How is it possible for your sleeping mind to create these things each night...and for what purpose do they serve? Too bad we don't have a dream machine. You know...a machine that captures images of dreams while you sleep...so you can replay them later. Sort of like a Tivo. I can only imagine the kinds of dreams I have had over the years. In particular...the last 13 years.
In true Orwellian thought...I am sure in some government lab somewhere...one of our fine public servents is working on such a machine as I speak. Of course what I would use such a piece of equipment for...and what the government would use it for...are 2 different things entirely.
Perhaps in another 100 years...our descendants will (if we haven't killed each other off by then) know what their dreams really are. Imagine the possibilities...then tie that into quantum physics and string theory...enumerating up to 11 separate demensions of time and space coexisting. Most intriguing.

The Minuteman Project Update

According to a story in the LA Times today, the citizens on patrol at the Arizona border are having a noticible effect on the amount of illegal border crossers. Apparently, their are rumors galore circulating on the Mexican side...such as they will be beaten or shot by the "vigilantes" if they attempt the crossing where the patrols are located. According to the article, the civilian lookouts are posted a 1/4 mile apart. They are given strict instruction not to confront or touch any border crossers. They are only to report any sightings to the Border Patrol.

Grupos Beta (Beta Group), is a Mexican migrant assistance force has been beefed up on the Mexican side in response to the minutemen. They are trying to discourage would be crossers from crossing at the time...rather...they are telling them to try another location, or wait a month for the "vigilantes" to leave. According to recent statistics...there were approximately 400 border crossers between Douglas and Naco each day...but that has dropped off to only a few dozen now. All of the would be border crossers who were interviewed told the media that they would not stop trying to cross the border and were mad at the US for trying to impede their journeys.

According to sources...all of the would be border crossers also refused to accept Grupos Beta's offer of discounted bus or air fares back to their home towns. At present...they are being taken to Aqua Prieta...the sister city of Douglas. There they wait to either try another route in, or wait it out until next month...when the Minuteman Project will end. While unpopular with Mexican authorities...the Minuteman Project is having a real effect on illegal immigration in the area where they are based.

Minuteman coordinators stated that they are accomplishing what they had set out to do. Bringing the plight of illegal immigration to the forefront and forcing politicians to confront the problem. They claim it was never their attempt to stop illegal immigration on their own...just raise the collective awareness of the nation to this growing problem.