THE DECADE OF SORROW - Chapter 3

In the years that followed, I had tried to forge ahead....renew my life and reinvent who I was. I returned to college....Boise State University in the State of Idaho.....my place of birth. As it were, I was only 1 year from completing my BA degree when I was appointed an officer of the realm. Now was a good time to complete what I had started many years earlier. So it was that my life returned for several years, back to where it had started. I tried to put what had happened to me at the academy in the most remote part of my being. And for a time.....I was able to forget my troubles...as my studies took my full attention. In those few years I had developed a sense and style of writing...as I had sought to improve my skills in this area. So impressed was the head professor of the English department with my emerging skills.....he had taken a personal interest in my work and wanted me to study under his
guidance as an apprentice. As I think of it now....I should have accepted his gracious offer.....but fate would have none of that.
During this time of enlightenment....my persecution by the empire continued with verocity as their long arm reached into my private life and affairs. They were without mercy, or compassion.....as I was hounded by the war machine they had unleashed years before. I was to find out the devious nature of the enemy once again.

As it was....I had been informed that I could claim college credit for the courses I completed at the Academy....nearly 28 semester hours worth. I had applied to the university for those credits. I was soon to discover that the university had other motives....as they refused to allow me a single credit for the courses I had taken. Not a single one. I was confused and sought to find the reason behind it. My repeated attempts to uncover the truth were met with stiff resistance from the office of the registrar. For weeks, I could not even view my own student file. Then one day....a new registrar was working and had apparently not been briefed as had the others.
So it was she agreed to bring my file out....so that I could read it.
I was soon to be shocked once again. For inside were 2 letters from the academy....sent 2 months apart....detailing what courses I had completed. All seemed to be in order on the first letter....very neutral it was. Then for some inexplicable reason....a second nearly identical letter arrived...2 months after. Whereas, the first letter was what I would have expected them to receive.....the second was certainly not. Identical in every detail....save one. Under the previously empty "remarks" heading.....the academy had informed my university of my problems at that training center.....and that I was still under investigation. In addition.....the academy advised my university not to allow any credits. A recommendation they followed without question. Not once was I ever contacted to allow me to refute the disclosure. Again...another violation of the settlement agreement. Other areas of my academic life were affected by this wonton disregard for my rights. As such, I was never allowed to hold student government posts....as I had applied....nor was I ever to to be hired in the work-study program. Not to mention that there was little doubt that my advisor...program head and dean had been briefed and my stature within the community declined. The empire was not going to be satisfied until every facit of my life was under scrutiny and scorn. It was a sad day when I knew there was no where to hide to find sanctuary and peace......or escape from the retribution of the empire. Indeed....there reach was long....and malice great.

To what effect did this have....well... I finally completed the graduation requirements despite the interference of the government. With that, I returned to Los Angeles....as the war of persecution was not soon to end. It was then that fate took another turn.....and threw my life into more chaos. By the strangest of coincidence......I had volunteered to be an inspector at my polling station for the 1996 presidential election. It was to last all day and well into the night. So here I was....just a block from my apartment.....manning a polling station, while the masses voted. Unknown to me...at that same time.....my father was just 2 people out from casting his vote at the polling station near his house. It was then that fate struck him down. As he prepared to enter the booth....he turned blue....as he suffered a major heart attack. The place was filled with people as he lay on the floor...paramedics desparately trying to save his life....using the defibrillator time and time again. To no avail....as he died where he fell. The twist of irony of that moment....where we were miles apart....yet both in a polling place at the same time, for the same election, on the same day. I was not to discover his passing until very late at night...when I returned from counting the ballots. My cousin had waited up for me. So again fate had thrown another burden and sorrow my way...as it steeped itself upon the many that were already there. I mourned the loss of my father for many months thereafter....as the empire was relentless in its pursuit of my ruin. I could have resigned myself to failure in the face of the onslaught that fate had thrown my way. But I stood firm and continued to fight against the might of the empire....as if I were on the last crusade. But again....there was more pain to come.

It was not even a year later that I received a call from an old friend of mine. One who I had attended the academy with. He brought news of which I found most distressing. With that...he asked if I was aware that our old instructor at the academy had died. I asked which one.... and was shocked to hear that it was my favorite, Billie Moxley. She was as a friend to me...willing to talk and listen. I had sought her counsel a number of times as I struggled to get through that academy. At this....I was told that she had been shot to death in her home on St. Simon Island some time in 1994. Several suspects had entered her home and pumped 4 rounds into her at close range. The motive was unknown...the suspects a mystery. And so it was that I had to bear the burden of yet another loss. Within the span of a few short years....I had lost my career, lost my love, lost my father and lost a friend. And woe and trouble did follow in my footsteps....as the war dragged on.

To be continued................

THE DECADE OF SORROW - Chapter 2

As a result of the loss of that dog handler job....I took both agencies back to court. And so loomed yet another drawn out affair. In the end, I was to accede to yet another settlement agreement...this time with the new agency. In exchange for them rescinding my "unsuitable" rating....I was to never again.....for the rest of my life......apply for another position with them. Would the persecution and suffering ever end for me? Barred for life because I had fallen in love years before. It was a crushing defeat. It seemed the malice and vengence of the empire had no bounds....for who was I to persecute with such hatred.....a simple and honest man. I did not yearn for power, greed, or lust.....as was the status quo of the ruling elite. The empire could easily forgive them of their many sins.....crimes.....depravity....and yet, could find no room to forgive me. How typical.

As a result of this latest war of persecution.....my old agency had at least one person who had a conscience. At least he tried. The Assistant Regional Director for Human Resources had did his best to reign in the empire.....and its' lust for my blood. He sent out a memorandum to all within the Los Angeles District Office telling them to stop violating the settlement....to follow the conditions therein. A Memorandum Of Understanding (MOU) was reached and issued. I thought that perhaps I might have some respite from the long years of persecution. Again I was wrong. Fate would intercede once again. The empire still ran rampant....ignoring the orders issued from on high. At every turn and twist.....I was to feel the sting of their might. The insidious way they could destroy a life, with but a lift of a finger. As I discovered.....the empire had spread its' disinformation about me far and wide. The more I dug into their records......the more I realized that it had been so compartmentalized......that I would never be able to ensure its' removal and destruction. Records continued to pour in from the four corners of the empire....records long thought surpressed and hidden. I was relentless in my quest for information and used the FOIA and Privacy Act to the fullest extent. What I could not get through that....I would get through the numerous court battles I had been forced to partake of. It all led to one inescapable conclusion.....the empire would use its' own beauracracy to bind me....and drive me into ruin.
I had no defense against this scheme....as they controlled the access to information...and thus.....held the key to my survival. What they did not want me to see.....I would not see.
That was the power that they held. A little leak here.....a little talk there....would be all it would take to ensure my continued unemployment. And on it goes..........

It was about this time that another twist of fate took shape. As I was to find out just a few months after the MOU order was sent out. As it was....I needed to contact that Regional Administrator again to let him know of the empires' disregard for his orders. To my surprise....I was told he was sick and would "out" for a time. The weeks went by and I was told this on several occasions. A had finally managed to talk to someone who was all too happy to help. I was to find out.....like the judge before......he was no longer at that office. In fact....he may have not even been with the agency anymore. No one ever divulged to me what his fate was.....but I was never again to hear from him, talk to him or see his signature on any documents thereafter. It seemed like every where I went, those who had tried to help....were falling by the wayside.
And my anger grew. Who were these people to be above the law? It was not unlike the "Star Chamber" all over again. What could I have possibly done to cause such fury and discord among them? The answer was plain to see......for I had helped topple a regime of the empire.....and there could be no leniency for that. And so the war continued......the war to drive me into financial and social ruin. And it was working. My list of allies had grown thin......and people became more relunctant to fight....as the losses built up. The very mention of my name in the hollowed halls of the empire inspired most to shun me.....as they did not want to befall the fate that had visited others who came before.

The years slowly passed by......with no resolution in sight. The battles were waged in a number of forums, boards, commissions and courts. How many battles had there been over the years........no less than 10 I could think of.....and probably more. I was the pariah that the empire wanted me to be. A refugee in my own country.........destined to be "blacklisted" for life. It brought back shades of the McCarthy era......of communist witch hunts. For was it not them who had labeled me a "communist sympathizer"?. They spared no measure of the absurd in tarnishing my image. I was to find out later that my college advisor......a person of palestinian descent....was questioned about me and my loyality.....as if I had some ties to the P.L.O.! There would be no bar low enough that they could not crawl under. All the while.... the real criminals and deviants skulked around the marbled halls of the empire......secure in the knowledge that it was a system of "do as I say, not as I do". Justice and equality for all.......my ass!

And so it went on......and as it did.....my thoughts still brought me back to the years past with the one I had loved. I wished that those times of happiness could return again. Back when things were much simpler......when the weight of the world had not burdened me.....before I had became an enemy of the state. Though the rest of my life was controlled by the wants and wishes that fate brought.....my love of her never dimmed, never failed....and never died. It was the one constant I could count on.....the one thing which I had sought to bring me through each trial and tribulation. The one thing that kept the empire from crushing me under its' boots. How I had wished for a return to the time before the pain, the hate, the sorrow, the regret and the guilt. But it was a wish that would never come to pass. That was to be my fate.....as the months turned into years.....and the war raged on.

To be continued...................

EPISODE 3: THE DECADE OF SORROW - Chapter 1

Fate....my old friend. What do you have in store for me in these times of future past? Is it with a heavy heart and spirit that I dread your company? Like an angel of darkness; do you sit upon my shoulders....so I should be burdened with the troubles of the world? These are questions that only fate....itself....may answer. But as had been my travels thus far.....it was a certainty that woe and trouble would follow in my steps. Greedy, hungry, all consuming.....its' teeth as fangs.....its' claws as razors.......its' vengence as death. That was to be my fate. For the empire was licking its' wounds...blistering sores laid bare by I and my allies. It had shown the world its' one great weakness. The failing of humankind to understand, manage and control power. For with power comes great responsibility....and great restraint. But when faced with that power.....the human heart can buckle....the soul can grow dark.....and it is then when the evil in men arises. History is replete with such examples. The genocides of the past...are but stepping stones of the future. Such is the dark legacy of mankind. It is with this burden I should face the coming years of sorrow....as the dark power of the empire was brought to bear down upon my soul. It would not soon forget what I had done....my legacy.....my war of redemption. And, as it had been in the past...so shall it be in the future. My persecution should be warning enough for those fools who would dare resist the might of the empire. And so it goes.......

Since the fall of the regime, I had tried to rebuild my life again. To start anew what fortunes I may hold. I had once again slipped into obscurity....just a mist of dew on a cold fall day. And...for a time...I thought that peace would hold. That each side would avert the gaze of war. But as had been done too many times before....fate was with me....its' insidious plan was formulated to again bring old enemies together. With that....the war of persecution began. I had not expected the empire to hold such a grudge...but I miscalculated the depth of its' hatred of me....and what I stood for. Should others follow in the footsteps of my allies and I, what would become of the elite? They certainly could not have dissent among the ranks. Besides, I had taken a stand against their tyranny and wickedness....I could never be forgiven...or allowed to prosper again. Why they just did not put a bullet in my head....I will never know.....as it would have been so much easier for them and would have ended my suffering. But who knows what the future holds....anything can happen, and before this is over...probably will.

Almost from the beginning of the settlement....I had to occupy my time trying to get the empire to adhere to the terms of that settlement. They refused to recognize, or obey the concessions they agreed to in court. It seemed clear enough, spelled out in ink of what each party was expected to do. I had done my part...resigned as they demanded...but in return.....oh yes...those minor concessions I had pushed for. Hmmmm...seemed simple enough....allow me to resign to go back to college....remove and destroy all adverse action information from its files.....refrain from giving negative references to any inquiring parties.....and that my last performance evaluation was fully satisfactory. Now how hard could that be? Well....for the government....it turned out to be impossible! I was beset with one series of violations after another.
There was definately no honor among thieves here. I came to understand the misgivings that American Indians had when signing treaties with the empire. Their words were truly spoken with the forked tongue of a serpent. The promises not worth the paper they were written on. A most foul affair indeed.

For the first few years after the settlement....there were minor skirmishes. The tugging of what was defined by each party. Initially they refused to issue my discharge papers as agreed. When I took them back to court...they quickly responded and complied. But that would be the last time they would ever comply in full. My first big test came in 1997. Under the settlement, I was not barred for any employment...even within the same agency. My issued discharge documents seemed in order. With that I had applied to another agency within the empire. I hated the thought of having over 10 years in the federal service, just to be thrown away. In fact....over the course of time...I had applied to many local, state and federal entities. However....my first real test came all too quickly. I would soon learn that the empire could never be trusted.

As fate would have it....I was selected for a position in the government as a drug dog handler on the border. Well....I thought...perhaps finally fate had dealt me a good hand and my long period of repentence would be over. Foolish me. What was I thinking about...were talking about the thief of dreams here. The empire would have nothing of the sort....and so during the course of pre-employment screening...the new agency was convertly told of my past failings at the academy..and my discharge later. It did not take long...for shortly after...the job offer was rescinded and I was to be branded a security risk....and later a communist sympathizer. So here I go again, another round of court battles with the empire for violating the terms. How many motions and briefs did I file....I don't know....but the empire would not be denied. The new agency wriggled out of its' agreement to hire me since they were not constrained by the settlment...only the Department of Justice. Another lost job opportunity at the hands of the vindictive empire. They were never made to answer for the violations...so what good was the contract? This is just one of the many job opportunities the empire had cost me....I can not even recount each time it happened.

Meanwhile....my motion to reopen the old case for fraud had come to fruition. Of course... it was denied because it was filed after the filing date passed. This particular case went before the US Court of Appeals....and they too refused to reopen the case. Henceforth...that case would be known throughout the empire...used as a precedent to surpress the rights of others. Who said you can get a fair deal anyway? At least the Court of Appeals admonished the government for it's biting commentary against me....and its' zeal to inflict more pain and torment on me. This was the first of many.

And what of my "Anna" you might be wondering. Well.....during the early period after the time of the settlement....I would think of her all too often. I knew where she was at....but was afraid to call and see what was going on. The empire was watching my every move....any mistakes or misjudgements.....would have them down upon me like the vultures they were. I could just imagine the stories they would conjour.....stalker, rapist, molester, murderer.....or maybe Jack the Ripper. As I would discover much later.....that would not be far from the truth. So for now....I would not give them the satisfaction of seeing my failure again.....though I had missed her so very much. I felt the pain as if it happened just yesterday.....so it is even today. Separate ways.....worlds apart.

To be continued..............

THE THIEF OF DREAMS - Chapter 6

As a result of the downfall of the District Director, Port Director and Assistant Port Director.....I knew that my name would be forever stained. Of these people, one was forced into early retirement and the other 2........they would be removed from their posts and reassigned to lesser positions of responsibility. Of the 3, all were in charge of the Los Angeles District. Their crimes you might ask? Hmmmm. Lets see, where do I start. I believe I will start with the most egregious example. According to the aforementioned IG report....one individual did the following......he sexually harassed at least 3 female subordinates. One subordinate he lured into an office while on duty.....and in uniform......locked the door.......dropped his pants......and masturbated in front of her. Not once....but twice. He was also found to have reached inside of the shirts of several subordinates....and also engaged in suspected sex acts with Korean Airlines employees...at least one of them was later hired as an inspector. His punishment.....well, it was highly publicized and also ran on television. The LA Times ran a story about it as well. Criminal charges were filed against him and eventually he plead nolo contendre (guilty) to a simple assault charge...a misdemeanor. That was pleaded down from the 5 original counts against him...such as lewd behavior and aggrated sexual assault. Well....that was for the criminal part...but here is what the government did with him.....

Initially, he was shuffled away working at a detention facilty. Later he was given paid administrative leave....even later still, after the union complained about his lack of punishment....he was finally fired. But.......it did not last long. He also filed an appeal to the administrative board where I had filed. But, unlike me....where I had to sit in open court for anyone to see. He received a special treat. A private affair in the District Director's office with no outside witnesses....just the parties and attorneys. Apparently...a deal was reached... a secret deal. The final outcome was shocking.....I know, because I received the final decision of the administrative board.....under the FOIA. All the adverse information action was removed, he was reinstated and received full back pay. Gee.....I wonder why I did not get the same opportunity....and I was never even charged with a crime. Although he was removed from his prior post....I was informed by the union that he had been reassigned as a criminal investigator....a law enforcement position that required firearms. Unbelievable! Yes...I was furious....because at the time they were sacrificing me....they were saving his rotten hyde.
Yes...I was furious. And with good cause! Over the years I have tried to asertain his status....but they would neither confirm, nor deny.....he is an employee of the empire. Very nice indeed.

Next, according to another IG report, and media sources...we have an individual who had tried to get one of his subordinates to naturalize his foriegn born wife earlier than the law required. The subordinate refused several times and turned him into the IG. Beset with anger, said individual was observed in a hallway at work choking the female subordinate. That's right....he had her pinned up against the wall and was pinching her windpipe. When he noticed that he was being watched, he made a statement to the effect of "what would I get for murder...3 days". Again....I was furious. I was being made to suffer while these real criminals were running wild. So what did he get for this lack of judgement? Well.....an early retirement....complete with a party...and his full retirement pension. That's just great! What the hell was going on anyway!

The third individual had done the least of them....but it was enough. As I later discovered, curtesy of my "gift" from the mole....he was sneaking off at lunch hour with a.....you guessed it.....female subordinate for a noon time quicky. I guess it did not matter that both were married! Even more frustrating was the fact that the female he was "sleeping" with, was my EEO Counselor! Talk about sleeping with the enemy. Not to mention, according to the IG, he was well aware of the sexual depravity of our top deviant....counseled him on numerous occasions about his bahavior.....but did nothing to stop it. I guess if you live in your own glass house....you really can't throw stones. And the mighty empire allowed for this type of sick behavior from its' ruling elite.....but God forbid a lowly underling like me have difficulties that pale in comparison......and it's off with his head. Ivory towers indeed. I must point out that this is just in my district alone...as I discovered...this type of bahavior was occuring throughout the empire. Some of it much worse...if that's possible. I accumulated an archive of material. The Academy was not immune from this depravity either. They were rocked by sexual harassment and misconduct charges by students against several of their instructors. According to sources...none lost their jobs. Even the assistant director who had flown out to LA to fix their mistake by ramming another panel through...had his problems. It seems that he had to take a little trip to the orient for business....I guess he didn't want to go alone.....so he made sure his wife was penciled in for the trip..... allegedly on the taxpayers dime. I can imagine what that cost. If I am not mistaken....his punishent included having to pay back the money and a 30 day suspension. Gee...where was my 30 day suspension? Meanwhile, I had a former mid-level supervisor get fired over a $50 mistake on a travel voucher. It was just so incredible......that they had such failing all over the empire...but couldn't wait to feast on my carcass for legitimate reasons of falter. Reasons and consequences that were to pale in comparison. I guess you could not fall in love within the empire, but you could fall into lust, depravity, sexual assault, cheating.......and a myriad of other offenses...so long as you were the ruling elite..

As I look back at it now...I am glad that I helped knock some of those bastards off of their sacred thrones.....that I cracked the walls of their ivory towers.....and brought down their regime. Sure, most were never made to suffer as they had made me....they were kept in the employ of the empire for the most part. But their reign was over. They were relagated to the outskirts of the empire....never again to hold the power they once had. But this small victory had a steep price.
Fate would make sure of that. The second war of redemption had come to a close. But as I soon discovered.....the empire was not done with me yet. They wanted revenge. They were not to be denied. But that is a story for episode 3........soon to come. Fin

SUPER BOWL SUNDAY

Well, here it is.....another superbowl Sunday. I really have no favorites this year, as long as I can hit a couple of numbers on the football pool. I will be going to my cousin's soon....for the party.
Alone again.....as has been my fate for the last 12 years, Sure, I have a few friends and family....but it is not the same...is it? My life has never been the same since those events I experienced back then. I have never desired another partner....or soulmate....since I lost her back then. I know it is not good to dwell on such things that can never be....but, I just cannot get over the hurt....the pain. I cannot forgive myself. Maybe some day...but I don't know just when. That will be up to God. So...as I go through another year of disappointment and hurt, I will try and carry on as I have done so many years. I just wanted to get that off my chest....before I get lost in the superbowl...the munchies...and the beer. I hope you all have a good superbowl!