THE CRAB BOAT

This story is about the the worst job I have ever had. I was desparate for money because my tuition and fees were due again for the coming year. The year, 1990........the time, January.....the weather, cold as hell. Maybe you have seen those tiny little ads in the back of papers saying "make big money in Alaska". Hmmmm.....what a novel way to make some fast cash. I mean....how hard could it be? As it was, I got hired by the All Alaskan Seafood Company in Seattle, Washington. My job? I was to be a crab fisherman and processor. So I drove to Seattle and caught the mother processing ship, the MV All Alaskan, north to Alaska. It was the first week of January and as we headed more north.....the colder it got. We took the inside passage up to the Aleutian island port of Dutch Habor.

From there....we took on more fuel and suppplies and then headed north to the Bering Sea. I have never seen such awful weather. We finally arrived at the Pribolof Islands. From there...some of us went abourd the crab boats....the ones with the traps...and some stayed on the processing ship. At first, I stayed on the processing ship for the first month. It was a virtual slave ship. As we headed out into the open sea. The wind blew continuously....the waves crashed and ice bergs would float by. It was the first time I had ever seen it snow.......sideways. There was no getting off that ship. If you quit, you had to pay your own way back....after they left you at the nearest island. For the next 5 months....I was at sea.....never to touch land.

The crab boats would haul their catches back to the processing ship. Man did it stink! We stood at stations.....lined up like robots in front of giant hoppers. At each station was mounted a double bladed axe. That is what it looked like anyway. There was no heat and it was partially exposed to the elements, snow and wind. It was so cold....that the thick rubber gloves we wore would become so hard, you could barely move them. Dressing warmly was an understatement. So here we would stand....for hours at a time....many times in excess of 16 hours a day. As we would wait for the catch to arrive.....we had a little time to chat....and move around to keep the blood flowing. Then it would happen....giant nets called "brailers" would drop the tons of Ophelio (snow) crabs in to the hoppers in front of us. The crabs were still very active and you could feel the heat coming from them.....you wanted to crawl into that pile for warmth. But the cold would quickly stop their movement....as they started to freeze in the outside air. So it started....we would grab each crab....and they were quite large....by their legs. One hand on each pair of 4 legs. With that, the crab would be lifted into the air in front of us......and would be slammed down on the double bladed axe. The guts and crab blood would fly everywhere......as their shells popped off of them and they split in two. After this.....we would lower each set of legs down to spinning wheels covered with thick brushes. The brushes would clean the guts off....and prep the leg sections. Then we would throw the leg sections on a conveyer belt....and reach for the next crab. And so it went......hour after hour.....day after day. I had killed thousands of them....how many.....I don't know, but there were thousands. Many crew members couldn't handle it...and they were dropped off. But I was determined to make it through the contract I had signed. I rotated between processing and catching the crabs.....both jobs were terrible. The crab catching boats were usually less than 50 feet long and would stay out for several weeks at a time....setting the traps. Miles and miles of traps. Each trap location was maked by a bouy. We would have to reel them in and remove the crabs from each....then rebait and set them out again. The water churned and was ice cold. The small boats had a crew of 4 or 5 usually. Every year, some were lost at sea. The swells were so big at times, that all you could see on both sides were walls of water. That would definately humble the most arrogant man. If it was a good catch.....the boats would ride very low in the water....taking maximum draft. At times....they would almost sink.....because they were overloaded.

When we arrived back at the processing ship....several of us would jump down into the holds....which could have 50 thousand, or more, pounds of live crabs. We would have to scoop them into our arms and load them into the giant brailer nets....for transfer to the processing ship. Believe me....those things can really pinch! It was hard backbreaking work for sure. Just were did all those crabs go? You would have thought they were destined for American eateries....but no......all were sold to the Japanese....the Tokyo express. Every couple of weeks....a Japanese freighter would tie up to the processing ship and we would have to transfer the flash frozen legs to it. How much were they paying for those crabs you may wonder? Well....they were sold by the "rack". A rack consisted of twelve (12) 65 pound boxes of crab legs. Each rack of snow crabs would sell for $20,000, or more.......that's right 20 Gs. By the time they made it to the Tokyo diners....that price would have increased 4 fold.

And so it was for 5 long and cold months.....sitting in the middle of the Bering Sea. I was promised to make 30 to 40 thousand dollars for that trip.....but no......it just happened to be my fate that the year before....the Exxon Valdez spilled its' load at Prince William sound. A good portion of our catch was contaminated with oil....unfit for human consumption. Since a large part of our pay came from the total gross weight of the seasons' catch....it went down considerably. What did I earn for those 5 months of hell....a whole $4,200! That's right....just 4,200 bucks. What a rip off. They actually tried to talk me into returning for another season. Not a chance Charlie.....not a chance. So ended my professional career as a crab killer. As I was so dubbed...as I was quite proficient in the art of killing at the end of those 5 months. Never again.

Ghost Stories - Part 4

I just thought of another interesting little tale. This happened while I was still in the Air Force, but 2 years later....stationed in Guam. At the north end of the island of Guam (its' only about 30 miles long and 8 miles wide), is where what is left of the jungle is. The Air Force owned the whole north end.....and much of it was still primitive jungle. There was a huge bomb dump that I often worked in at night. There were no fenses, no lights and usually....no quick help. Poachers would come in all the time to shoot the tiny Guam "barking" deer. We always worked at night...because of our dogs. I explored a whole lot of that jungle for the 2 years I was stationed there. Old WW2 Japanese battle sites, wrecked vehicles and planes and an old abandoned runway the Japanese had built when they captured Guam.

But there was also some very creepy stuff out there too. You would see shadows....here strange noises......see strange lights. The dogs always knew before we did that something was up. So it was on a particularly dark night. I was checking out a bunker when my dog alerted. A very strong alert...as he pulled me down the dirt road. I then saw it. I first suspected it was wild boar...as there were many on the island. But as we got to about 50 feet to it...my dog refused to go further and tried to run back. I could see its shadowy outine, as it crossed the road in front of us. But then the most peculiar thing happened. As it neared the other side of the road to disappear back in to the jungle....it stood up on 2 legs...and walked upright into the jungle. Whoa....that was too strange. On it's 2 legs, it was at least as high as I was. I could not really tell what it was....but the dog wanted nothing to do with it. I was unable to get my flashlight on it in time. So to this day...it remains a mystery. Trust me....being alone in that jungle in the pitch dark of night, with nothing but a dog and a small machine gun at hand....would make you think twice. You could imagine how many japanese and american soldiers lost their lives there during WW2. Kinda reminded me of the scene in Heavy Metal....the animated movie classic....and the WW2 bomber crew who crashed on that jungle island.....only to be taken by the dead crews of time past.

Ghost Stories - Part 3

If you liked the first 2, you will like this one too. The last of my current trilogy of terror. By the way....these are all true stories!
The year was the summer of 1980. I was in the Air Force working as a drug dog handler with the USAF Police. I was stationed at, now closed Lowry AFB, just outside of Denver, Colorado. There was one old large WW 2 vintage building on the base....made of brick and quite expansive. Over the years, it had been a sanitarium and a morgue. It had a full basement in it and at night....that is where 2 controllers were locked in a room....like a war room. Usually these people were lower ranking enlisted members.

About 2:00am one moring I was on patrol with my dog and we get a call to respond to that location ASAP....possible intruders. I arrived first and then a patrolman arrived. Of course....since I had the dog....I had to go in first. The 2 controllers told dispatch that they would not come out...as they heard what sounded like runninng up and down all the hallways the last half hour. This building was completely secured and all doors and windows were locked. And of course....we could not get the basement lights to come on. So in we went...me and the dog first....and the patrolman behind me. The dog started alerting like crazy, but could not get a fix on anything....first one way, then another.....as we heard running down the halls. Never saw anyone.

Then it happened, my dog got a strong scent and he led us to a bathroom down one of the halls. Something was not right....as the dog refused to go inside....not like him at all...as he was a trained attack dog too. I tried pushing him in, but he ran right out. Of course...we had our weapons drawn by then. I yelled inside...nothing...no sound at all. So in I went....shaking like a leaf....something was definately not right. It was then I saw something that was shocking. One of the bathroom stalls....inside the walls.....were coated in what appeared to be fresh blood. It was still dripping on the floor and was steaming. Believe me...we did not stick around there long.....as we called for a couple more units and found a way to get the lights back on. Sure enough...with it lit....there was at least a gallon of the "blood" smeared all over the interior walls of the stall. Still dripping.

We took alot of photos and samples before having it cleaned by maintanence. It was sent to a lab for testing....it was human!
We never found out from who, whom...or what it came from.
Another unsolved mystery to be sure. From that point on....there were at least 3 controllers in that office...the lights were kept on...and one was always armed with a pistol. Never had another wierd call to that place.

Ghost Stories - Part 2

Now that I am on the subject of ghost stories....here is another beauty. I was 17 years old and we were at another house. My mother, my sister and I were home. Around midnight....my mom called me to come outside and listen. For some odd reason...I froze with fear. She said I turned ghost white...like dead white. I didn't move for nearly 5 minutes. When I finally "snapped" out of it. I then heard what she was talking about. As loud as anything....sounding as if it were coming from everwhere....was the most horrible labored breathing you could imagine.....like something was slowly dying. It was so loud. At least 15 neighbors came out and we looked for it...with spotlights...cars....flashlights. There were plenty of witnesses. So the labored breathing....slow and agonizing....went on for over an hour and a half. It felt cold...and had no point of origin. Finally, when it ended, it let out one last heavy sigh....and was never more. My mother told me she had never seen anyone turn so white and petrified before.....as I did that night. No one ever found out what it was.

Ghost Stories

Here is an interesting topic. I don't know how many of you out there have a ghost story....but I have several. I was just thinking about them. I remember one in particular that happened when I was about 10 years old. Now I know it may sound funny, but I am sure many of you have heard of the the La Chupacabra (the goat sucker). Well, I can tell you that around 1969....(in Idaho) we had something similar around our farm. Here's the way it happened......

Our farm was at the end of a long dirt driveway and we had no close neighbors. We raised hogs, chickens and rabbits. It was the duty of my sister and I to feed them each morning before school.
Most of the time, it was still dark at feeding time. Now....my entire family had seen a mysterious entity around for months....it was very dark...hovered several feet off the ground and had either one or two red eyes. Sometimes it would be in the middle of the driveway....and would float off as it was approached. Then one day, my sister and I were up at the machine shop getting ready to feed the animals.....and this thing came floating out toward us. We were both scared to death....and I never ran so fast in my life. I was beating my sister by a good hundred yards....and she was screaming her head off. It never followed us down.

But the real kicker came 2 days later. We had several german shepards and that night....they barked like crazy all night long.
When morning came, we found out why they barked. It looked like a battlefield. The scene looked like that....there were bodies of chickens and rabbits everwhere. There were at least 80 dead chickens and 40 dead rabbits. They were scattered all over. All dead and not a drop of blood in any of them. They were not tore up or butchered....but had small punture holes on their necks and shoulders. My father called the Canyon County Sheriffs' office and they sent a deputy out. He filed a report and collected all of the carcasses. They initially tried to blame it on weasels....but later changed it to unknown...as some of those dead rabbits were about 20 pounds and there was no way a weasel could have opened the hutches, dragged a 20 pound rabbit 200 yards and then drain their blood. Of course. we knew what killed them....the equilevent of the chupacabra. After that, about a week later....we found a dead dog buried in a stack of stray. It had been there some time...as is was badly decomposed. My father removed it and buried it at the back of the property. We never saw the floating thing after that....hmmmm....a dog spirit I guess? Any guesses out there?

My Thoughts for the Day

So here I sit.....once again in front of this computer....trying to think of something to say. It does not come easily. Well, what did I do today? I got up extra early and headed to the Los Angeles Convention Center....to help my cousin out at a trade show. Nice people down there....but the traffic was murder. Pray you never live in LA. If the smog, drive-bys and crime do not get to you....the traffic will. I left my apartment at 7:15am and finally arrived at the convention center at about 9:00am. That is for a total distance of about 20 miles. Now that's traffic. Just think of sitting on those LA freeways every day. Had a fairly good day otherwise.

It reminds me when I used to work at the federal building in downtown LA many years ago. When I was with the INS. Every morning was the long congested drive in.....and every night....was the long congested drive out. Slowly the traffic crept....as the engine would overheat in the summer days. Now breathe in that nice carbon monoxide from the cars and trucks next to you. You can almost feel the hours dropping from your life. How very nice.

Speaking of heat? I did something very stupid last August....well very stupid for me anyway. Coming back from an Idaho trip, I decided to take a detour I never tried before. Seemed like a good idea at the time. Here I was in my poor old 1991 civic that had almost 200,000 miles on it. It was the base model, so no AC or power stuff. Like usual....I had no spare tire....no extra water....and no cell phone in case I had trouble. But what the hell, i would give it a try anyway.

If you have never been through Death Valley National Park in August, you don't know what you are missing. Now think about doing that in my poor old piece of sh*t civic....with no AC, no comforts and no "save my soul" kit. That's me....always the adventurer. Going through Death Valley is bad enough in a regular car......but who would dare try it with my little beater. I would...and did! It was the hottest thing I have ever felt...you could not imagine the extreme heat. Sufficating it was, with not nary a breeze. I saw numerous cars dead on the side of the road. I remember before descending down into that hell hole, some German tourists were crammed in a new VW Jetta (figures) and the AC was on full blast, I couldn't get one of them to try my little beater. Going in and out of that hole is a challenge. Very steep grades. Going in was easy....but getting back out....that's the trick.

How it did it I don't know....but my little beater ran for all it was worth. It chugged slowly up the other side...the temp gauge pushing the high side. It seemed to take forever...and every few miles was another car dead on the road. It's life spent. Just how hot was it down in that pit.....officially, the air temp was 125 degrees. But on that road...it was at least 10 to 15 degrees more...according to the ranger I talked to. Now that is f*cking hot! And to think my old little beater made the trip without so much as a cough...oh....and I passed those German tourists in that Jetta, dead on the side of the road. Ha Ha Ha!!!!!!!!!!

EPILOG Volume 1

Thus ends this story and its' 3 Episodes. I cannot say when I will start on Volume 2.....as it is ongoing.....and I would not want to start prematurely. Could be a week, or it could be a year. Whatever fate decides. I hope you enjoyed that first volume.....as it took alot of effort to write it. Please try and remember that I am writing of my experiences, from my own point of view as I felt then and now. It is not meant to be neutral.....or a fact finding mission. It was the story of my own personal tragedy written through my eyes. All the events however, actually did occur. And if you are curious....yes.....my love for "Anna" has not dimmed. I finally worked up enough courage to write her a letter asking for forgiveness....will she respond.....only fate knows the answer.

THE DECADE OF SORROW - Chapter 4

As time passed, I had became desensitised to the world around me. No longer was I able to enjoy the things I once did. My free time....what there was of it.....had now become a bunker in which to prepare for the next strike of the empire. I never knew when it would come....or what form it would manifest itself as. I was unable to let go of the past....as the empire would not let me forget what I had done to them. So it was during the years after the settlement, I had to be content with employment that was at most....transitory in nature. I skipped around from one lowly job to the next. Sometimes it would last several years....but most times.....far less. I tried a number of things....security guard, private investigator, compost instructor, fruit fly trapper and several other miscellaneous jobs. Most were temporary in nature...without benefits or a pension. That was to be my lot in life....like a grain of sand....I was tossed about as the winds of fate dictated. It was if I had been relagated to the trash heap of society. Never to enjoy the permanancy of a real career or job. The empire would allow me the small concessions which these types of jobs would bring. But they were determined to never again allow me the professional status of which I had enjoyed. So the persecution continued as the years went by.

How many jobs had a lost over the years due to settlement violations....by my count....over 100....probably much more. I have been turned down by most agencies I had applied...and those that did offer to hire me...soon withdrew their offers as soon as they learned of my prior employment problems. They always had a way to find out....through records that should have been destroyed, or through word of mouth from government supervisors themselves. So it was that I lived life on the edge.....precariously close to joining the ranks of the homeless.....just another veteran forgotten by society. And for 10 years did this occur......the vengence was poured out on my life by the empire that vanquished me. Each new rejection brought my response....as I would make them earn their hatred and persecution of me. Over and over the appeals were filed, the grievences were filed, the EEOC complaints were filed and the Enforcement motions were filed. I had nearly became an attorney myself....not through a regimen of classwork.....but of real world application. They despised the fact that I was learning their own laws....and using it against them. I was chastised more than once by judges for being too learned in the application of administrative law. And so it was that I tied up the might of the empire in a quagmire of motions, briefs and pleadings. If they wanted my blood anymore....they would have to earn it. My motions were not filed without reason, however; as they were only responses to some illegal action the empire took against me. How many times did I find out through investigations, or FOIA requests, that some government agent took it upon himself to disregard the terms of the settlement and leak information. Too many to know. My life was an open book to whomever wanted to see it. No secret too classified to detail.....no dirt too filthy to print. And for 10 years did I feel the wrath of the empire. The war continued as they had sought to make me obedient, subservient and destitute. But as had been before....my old friend fate was calculating a most heinous way to end this war....once and for all.

I remember the time well. It was 8 years after the academy and I was struggling with my life as it was. My name had been tarnished, my character assassinated and my soul broken. It was then that I was notified that again I had been selected for another position within the empire. Finally, I saw a light at the end of the tunnel. Could it be true this time.......I wondered in sullen reflection. Had the empire called off the dogs of war? Not exactly...as I was soon to find out.
For then it happened once again.....as I was at the doorway to redemption...ready to enter and reclaim a life I had lost so long ago. But it was not to be.....for once again a little bird did leak what should have been sealed....no.....make that destroyed. As you may have guessed.....the job offer again was rescinded.....I was so close. But the empire was not satisfied with just taking back their promise this time......as they wanted more. So they would have it. As to ensure I would not soon forget this lesson.....I was issued an unsuitable rating and barred from applying for any of their jobs for 1 year hence. On the surface that may not seem like much.....but in the world of federal service....it was to serve as a death knell. For each and every time I applied to the government after that.....I had to disclose the circumstances thereof....or risk facing criminal charges. It did not matter to them that my rights were violated.....or that there was a contract. I appealed the action and was soon to receive what information the empire had released. Another shock to my system was in store. I discovered that I had originally been passed for the security background check....and that all should have been go. But alas, this was not to last....as the empire had found a new way to torment me. I discovered that one of their own agents had sent a secret memo to the Office of Personnel Management......asking them to reopen the investigation 2 months later. With that....they were directed to contact former employees I had worked with at LAX over 8 years earlier. As it was.....2 of those employees were as vindictive as the empire as a whole. I never served under them.....neither was my supervisor......in fact I would rarely see them for the year I had worked at LAX. But that did not stop them from heaping the lies upon me....as they no doubt had been directed to do by the high command. It was heartbreaking to know what lies and deception they could wield.....with no shred of proof. I was branded as the most evil and foul being ever to set foot in the marbled halls of the empire. A deviant, a stalker, an emotional psychopath, a felon of unspeakable horror. The depth of their lies knew no bounds. Their statements dripping of the hypocracy they practiced. Where was their condemnation of the District Director and his minions who were toppled many years ago. So it was.....that I was not far off in my analogy of Jack the Ripper resurrected. I was furious with anger. Of course....both supervisors worked in the Los Angeles District.....the same district where the settlement terms and MOU should have had the greatest effect.

I filed an appeal of this action...as I had done so many times before. I had sought from the MSPB the right to rescind the settlement.....as the empire was never following it anyway. But what happened next......as fate would have it......was beyond my belief. I still can not understand to this day what his motivation was, but I soon received a decision from the Judge regarding my motion on this egregious action. To my surprise.....the government had not been made to answer for one single violation......not one. In fact, the judge went out of his way to justify their illegal actions. He took it upon himself to strip whatever remaining rights the settlement of 1993 had held. He stated that the government could talk to anyone, at anytime and for any reason, regarding my former employment with them. Even if the their employees were on duty and in uniform.....they could say whatever they pleased about me......with no reprecussions. His decision effectively killed what little force the settlement had. It was gutted.....absolutely useless......as the Indian treaties of old had been made to be. I appealed that decision to the U.S. Court of Appeals.....citing the constraints of the settlement and the exact wording of same. It was of no use...as that court refused to overturn that decision...and so with that......this war seemed over. I would have no recourse to make the empire live up to even one of the promises that appeared on that settlement. They were legally given carte blanc to persecute me more then ever. The defeat had again taken its' toll on me. I slipped into depression once again....as the will to fight drained from my body. It was 12 years after the settlement that I received that final decision and order from the Court of Appeals. So it seemed that the war had come to an inglorious end after 12 years of hostilities. I no longer had the footing or leverage in which to fight for justice and equality. The might of the empire had stripped it from me. They had broken me and laid waste to my redemption once and for all. I was never again to be a thorn in their sides.....the courts had seen to that. Had this been anyone but me......I would have to agree with the views put forth above......but it was me and fate was sitting on my shoulders. But as fate would have it....the tragedy of the terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001, would act as a catylist to renew my faith and not give up. Yes.....fate was indeed with me again.

And over the last 12 years I had never once lost faith in my love for "Anna". It was as strong and bright as the sun.....as warm as the summer wind......and as deep as the oceans blue. All these years I have harbored the flame of love. My secret lie deep in my heart...locked away with no key but hers. I thought of her countless times....my dreams of her unfulfilled.....my wishes nothing more than a whispering of the wind. It is with this burden I have carried for 12 years.....the hope and desire of the human soul.....the human heart.......the love of another.
What God had intended love to be. The object of my desire was here in spirit, if not in body.
So it was to be my fate.....as the war that had been waged against me came to a close.....as the empire had proclaimed victory......the decade of sorrow was becoming but a memory to history. My legacy written in the dusty law books of years past; the many battles that were fought....the fall of the regime, my desolation and persecution and the never ending love which survived through it all. So ends this epoch of my life...a 12 year tribute to the spirit of human suffering, compassion, desolation, exile and eternal love. Though this story is now over.....fate would again intercede in my life and I would enter into the second epoch....but that is a story for Volume 2. FIN