THE DECADE OF SORROW - Chapter 4

As time passed, I had became desensitised to the world around me. No longer was I able to enjoy the things I once did. My free time....what there was of it.....had now become a bunker in which to prepare for the next strike of the empire. I never knew when it would come....or what form it would manifest itself as. I was unable to let go of the past....as the empire would not let me forget what I had done to them. So it was during the years after the settlement, I had to be content with employment that was at most....transitory in nature. I skipped around from one lowly job to the next. Sometimes it would last several years....but most times.....far less. I tried a number of things....security guard, private investigator, compost instructor, fruit fly trapper and several other miscellaneous jobs. Most were temporary in nature...without benefits or a pension. That was to be my lot in life....like a grain of sand....I was tossed about as the winds of fate dictated. It was if I had been relagated to the trash heap of society. Never to enjoy the permanancy of a real career or job. The empire would allow me the small concessions which these types of jobs would bring. But they were determined to never again allow me the professional status of which I had enjoyed. So the persecution continued as the years went by.

How many jobs had a lost over the years due to settlement violations....by my count....over 100....probably much more. I have been turned down by most agencies I had applied...and those that did offer to hire me...soon withdrew their offers as soon as they learned of my prior employment problems. They always had a way to find out....through records that should have been destroyed, or through word of mouth from government supervisors themselves. So it was that I lived life on the edge.....precariously close to joining the ranks of the homeless.....just another veteran forgotten by society. And for 10 years did this occur......the vengence was poured out on my life by the empire that vanquished me. Each new rejection brought my response....as I would make them earn their hatred and persecution of me. Over and over the appeals were filed, the grievences were filed, the EEOC complaints were filed and the Enforcement motions were filed. I had nearly became an attorney myself....not through a regimen of classwork.....but of real world application. They despised the fact that I was learning their own laws....and using it against them. I was chastised more than once by judges for being too learned in the application of administrative law. And so it was that I tied up the might of the empire in a quagmire of motions, briefs and pleadings. If they wanted my blood anymore....they would have to earn it. My motions were not filed without reason, however; as they were only responses to some illegal action the empire took against me. How many times did I find out through investigations, or FOIA requests, that some government agent took it upon himself to disregard the terms of the settlement and leak information. Too many to know. My life was an open book to whomever wanted to see it. No secret too classified to detail.....no dirt too filthy to print. And for 10 years did I feel the wrath of the empire. The war continued as they had sought to make me obedient, subservient and destitute. But as had been before....my old friend fate was calculating a most heinous way to end this war....once and for all.

I remember the time well. It was 8 years after the academy and I was struggling with my life as it was. My name had been tarnished, my character assassinated and my soul broken. It was then that I was notified that again I had been selected for another position within the empire. Finally, I saw a light at the end of the tunnel. Could it be true this time.......I wondered in sullen reflection. Had the empire called off the dogs of war? Not exactly...as I was soon to find out.
For then it happened once again.....as I was at the doorway to redemption...ready to enter and reclaim a life I had lost so long ago. But it was not to be.....for once again a little bird did leak what should have been sealed....no.....make that destroyed. As you may have guessed.....the job offer again was rescinded.....I was so close. But the empire was not satisfied with just taking back their promise this time......as they wanted more. So they would have it. As to ensure I would not soon forget this lesson.....I was issued an unsuitable rating and barred from applying for any of their jobs for 1 year hence. On the surface that may not seem like much.....but in the world of federal service....it was to serve as a death knell. For each and every time I applied to the government after that.....I had to disclose the circumstances thereof....or risk facing criminal charges. It did not matter to them that my rights were violated.....or that there was a contract. I appealed the action and was soon to receive what information the empire had released. Another shock to my system was in store. I discovered that I had originally been passed for the security background check....and that all should have been go. But alas, this was not to last....as the empire had found a new way to torment me. I discovered that one of their own agents had sent a secret memo to the Office of Personnel Management......asking them to reopen the investigation 2 months later. With that....they were directed to contact former employees I had worked with at LAX over 8 years earlier. As it was.....2 of those employees were as vindictive as the empire as a whole. I never served under them.....neither was my supervisor......in fact I would rarely see them for the year I had worked at LAX. But that did not stop them from heaping the lies upon me....as they no doubt had been directed to do by the high command. It was heartbreaking to know what lies and deception they could wield.....with no shred of proof. I was branded as the most evil and foul being ever to set foot in the marbled halls of the empire. A deviant, a stalker, an emotional psychopath, a felon of unspeakable horror. The depth of their lies knew no bounds. Their statements dripping of the hypocracy they practiced. Where was their condemnation of the District Director and his minions who were toppled many years ago. So it was.....that I was not far off in my analogy of Jack the Ripper resurrected. I was furious with anger. Of course....both supervisors worked in the Los Angeles District.....the same district where the settlement terms and MOU should have had the greatest effect.

I filed an appeal of this action...as I had done so many times before. I had sought from the MSPB the right to rescind the settlement.....as the empire was never following it anyway. But what happened next......as fate would have it......was beyond my belief. I still can not understand to this day what his motivation was, but I soon received a decision from the Judge regarding my motion on this egregious action. To my surprise.....the government had not been made to answer for one single violation......not one. In fact, the judge went out of his way to justify their illegal actions. He took it upon himself to strip whatever remaining rights the settlement of 1993 had held. He stated that the government could talk to anyone, at anytime and for any reason, regarding my former employment with them. Even if the their employees were on duty and in uniform.....they could say whatever they pleased about me......with no reprecussions. His decision effectively killed what little force the settlement had. It was gutted.....absolutely useless......as the Indian treaties of old had been made to be. I appealed that decision to the U.S. Court of Appeals.....citing the constraints of the settlement and the exact wording of same. It was of no use...as that court refused to overturn that decision...and so with that......this war seemed over. I would have no recourse to make the empire live up to even one of the promises that appeared on that settlement. They were legally given carte blanc to persecute me more then ever. The defeat had again taken its' toll on me. I slipped into depression once again....as the will to fight drained from my body. It was 12 years after the settlement that I received that final decision and order from the Court of Appeals. So it seemed that the war had come to an inglorious end after 12 years of hostilities. I no longer had the footing or leverage in which to fight for justice and equality. The might of the empire had stripped it from me. They had broken me and laid waste to my redemption once and for all. I was never again to be a thorn in their sides.....the courts had seen to that. Had this been anyone but me......I would have to agree with the views put forth above......but it was me and fate was sitting on my shoulders. But as fate would have it....the tragedy of the terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001, would act as a catylist to renew my faith and not give up. Yes.....fate was indeed with me again.

And over the last 12 years I had never once lost faith in my love for "Anna". It was as strong and bright as the sun.....as warm as the summer wind......and as deep as the oceans blue. All these years I have harbored the flame of love. My secret lie deep in my heart...locked away with no key but hers. I thought of her countless times....my dreams of her unfulfilled.....my wishes nothing more than a whispering of the wind. It is with this burden I have carried for 12 years.....the hope and desire of the human soul.....the human heart.......the love of another.
What God had intended love to be. The object of my desire was here in spirit, if not in body.
So it was to be my fate.....as the war that had been waged against me came to a close.....as the empire had proclaimed victory......the decade of sorrow was becoming but a memory to history. My legacy written in the dusty law books of years past; the many battles that were fought....the fall of the regime, my desolation and persecution and the never ending love which survived through it all. So ends this epoch of my life...a 12 year tribute to the spirit of human suffering, compassion, desolation, exile and eternal love. Though this story is now over.....fate would again intercede in my life and I would enter into the second epoch....but that is a story for Volume 2. FIN