Well, Today is the Day!

Yes...it is the day I remember the most. Thirteen years ago on this day...I stood before instructors, class and visitors as I attended my graduation from the FLETC in Georgia. Thirteen years ago this day...I last saw the girl I will always love...as we looked into each others eyes for the last time. Thirteen years ago today was a day that will live in infamy for the rest of my days. I remember it as clear as the day it really happened. So vivid and fresh are the memories...that even if all else fails...they will remain forever bonded.

Time is but a small impediment to the eternal light of love which has bound my soul. All else I have lost is insignificant compared to losing her forever. Nothing can compare to that. I exist only as would an animal in nature...as the prediliction of instinct demands self preservation.
Her life now is but a mystery...as is my own. That has been the consequences of my actions for which payment has not yet been made. I fear that it will never be paid in full. The bed I lie in is full of thorns...like unto roses that smell of ambrosia...but wound as does the claws of a cat.

So it has been for thirteen years. Exiled within my own country...my state...my home...and myself. Tortured with visions of dispair for the human condition that I know all too well. I remain defiant unto the lords I must bow...the masters of deception, corruption and malice.
Alas...unto this day shall I find no peace...no sanctuary...no forgiveness...nor any hope of salvation. Condemned to walk the world alone...in the shadows of what should have been.
Like so many others before me...I eat fruit from the bowl of wrath that I unwittingly prepared.
My name is whispered in the winds of contempt that I have fanned. The truth that has been borne upon my soul...weighs with great agony...things that only now do I understand. Too late to resurrect distant memories of the past. Too late to teach me the wisdom of the ages that would have salvaged my life. Too late to revive a love that now only burns in the heart of one.

Alone I entered this world...and alone I shall leave it. For if it my destiny to walk the path of solitude and failure...so it should be my fate. Sigh........