Separate Ways....Worlds Apart

The last few days I have been experiencing some rather rough weather. A rocky road that has been laid down in my path. As I struggle not to get evicted and thrown out to the street....as a common bum......my world has increasingly floated the opposite of my peers. While the ones of whom I used to work are succeeding and prospering....I am slowly drifting into the deep waters of financial and social despair. My ship is sinking, as the holes grow ever larger. I am at the cusp of destitution once again. You would think I would be used to this by now......but no......it hurts the 50th time as much as when it was first done.

Not unlike the worn shoes that have traveled too many miles....do I feel the sting of the messenger of poverty. After 13 years of persecution by the government....by my family.....by my friends....and by the girl I loved......my life is slowly draining away into the void of nothingness. For what do I have to look forward to in the coming months and years....another 13 years of hatred, heartache, persecution, character assasination and financial ruin?
Not at all the rosy picture I envisioned before my downfall.

The road is long.....filled with pain and sorrow. Filled with regret and repentence. As it was.....I was just going over the vast library of documentation I have accumulated after 13 years of cold war.
I have statements from ex-friends....ex-coworkers.....ex-supervisors.....and the power elite. I even have the statements of the 2 female friends and my rival back at the academy 13 years past. It is truly amazing to see what lengths many of these people have gone through to portray me as the most vile person since the fall of Hitler. I might as well have burned 6 million people in ovens....as my fate could not be much worse. Rather than kill me in a most overt way.....quick and merciful.......I have been dying a slow agonizing death of persecution by the state. How many of those statements I reviewed the last few days prompted and perpetuated the persecution I continue to suffer? Is there no end to the hatred of which some of these people hold? Have I not suffered enough for my sins? I guess not.

What surprises me the most.....is the fact that many of the same people who stabbed me in the back 13 years ago....professed themselves to be of a religious faith. Yet they do not practice what would be taught in the scriptures they read....the God they follow......the saviour they rely. There will be no forgiveness, no absolution, no humility and no compassion. There will be vengence, hatred, bearing false witness and outright malice and evil.
Not all who were involved are guilty of this....but some most certainly are. I can see the lies.....the deception.....the intimidation......and the omissions. If people are going to tell a story.....then by all means....tell all of the story. Tell of your true feelings....not the contrived ones made for show. This is not a game with no consequences. It was....and is....real. Real people suffer, get hurt, lose their faith and succumb to powers that be.
Real people lose everything....based on words that may only be partially true.....not true.....or coerced. I know....it happened to me.

I noticed that in particular.....the statement of my rival went to great lengths to demonize me....yet he conveniently forgot to mention his part in the mess. His drinking, cussing, anger and yelling. He forgot to mention how he would fight with her in the room next door, cursing and yelling....like I could not hear. He forgot to mention his verbal assault of me at the pool. Or his drunken stuper later that night after he finished off a bottle of Jack Daniels. Perhaps he did not know it....but pictures were taken later that night....they survived and were not flattering at all. It is this type of hypocracy that I resent. I don't mind taking blame where blame is deserved.....but to be led into slaughter just to mask the misdeeds of the others.....that is unacceptable.

It was even that way in her statement. She conveneintly forgot to say that way before I asked her out in that first letter....she asked to go fishing with me. Or how when she was upset in the room next door....and my rival was ridiculing her over me...that she twice stated that she had "liked me" and knew I was in love with her.
I see those things did not appear in her statement. Is it any wonder I fell in love with her....and do so today? I had believed that the feeling was mutual.....wrong again I guess. There were other things that were omitted by the various actors in this play.
From the Academy staff, to the chief.....to District personnel, union staff, supervisors and co-workers in Los Angeles. And later....lawyers for the government would play the game....with no thought or regard of the truth. Winning was the only acceptable outcome for them.

I have asked myself countless times what I did that was so horrible as to be branded as I was. I did not use drugs...or sell them. I never robbed anyone, shot anyone, threatened anyone. I was not a white collar crook. I did not cheat, lie or steal. And I never took advantage of women for sexual gain. Yes....I am still bitter over the whole experience. Why? Because it is not getting better....I am still being persecuted and blacklisted. My life is still a shambles and hope is but a twinkle in the sky. I am still bitter that the real crooks, cheats, scum.....are either still working for the government...or got to retire with a nice big pension.
How quickly people forget their own failures...let he who is without sin cast the first stone. Words all too quickly forgotten. Sigh........