MY SOUL OF THE MOON-Chapter 8

With but 3 days to go until graduation.....the academy finally transferred me to a new room. It was located across the campus in a large expansive dormitory. Why had they waited so long? I was told that it appeared that I was not the cause of all the problems that were ocurring. I told them they should have made the switch a month ago, when I had begged for one. They had no response other than to say that they thought they could handle it on their level. Shortly after moving, I arrived at class....where I became sick, again. I was excused to go to the clinic, again....where upon my return....I held a bag of medications that they issued. Several classmates made some remarks about it and class resumed. Another classmate commented that he did not believe I could draw so beautifully, as he had seen some of my "doodlings" in my notebook, I responded that I doubted I would ever draw again. To this day, for the most part, that has been true.

Two days later was the last official day of training. It was then that one of the instructors posted the final grades on the wall.....which would determine if one passed, or failed the course. I had dreaded looking at the grades, fearful that I had failed. I then observed "Anna" and her friend check the board....I heard them exclaim that they had passed...and they seemed so relieved...that for them....they would return home in a few days. That was true for all the native Spanish speakers. For them, the academy was over and they got to resume their lives. But, for the rest of us who could not show proficiency in that language..myself included (I almost passed phase 1 Spanish though, with a score of 69, I needed a 70). For those of us who had to stay...it was another 5 weeks of full immersion Spanish at that hell hole. Knowing that "Anna" and her friend would finally be released from the long torment at last...I felt the slightest burden lift from my shoulders. No longer would she have to endure the pain and suffering...and I felt relieved and my mood improved. It seemed like it was finally over....at least for them....and to an extent, me as well. With formal graduation ceremonies just a couple of days away....everyone in class was relieved that it was finally over.
But fate still had one last series of torment in store for me....one that I would not be able to overcome.

So it began....my last torment with "Anna" still within my presence(or so I thought). That day ended well enough, given the circumstances of my experience. So relieved was I that it appeared to be finally over.....I came out of seclusion to watch a softball game with many of the others in my class. It was the first time in weeks that I felt the chains loosen from around my neck. That I had felt secure enough to escape the confinement of my prison.....and for several hours, I escaped the pain of the real world. But it was not to last. For fate then set into motion the final act that would bring me to my knees.....and drive home my failure once and for all.

For whatever reason....I just don't know why....I joined the majority of my class after the ballgame at the campus gazebo for a graduation party celebration. I was told that I had to come by some of my classmates...as they had known what I had been through these many weeks. Since "Anna", her friend and my rival were not there, I thought it would be safe to stay for a few hours. As is the course of many celebrations....the beer and alcohol was flowing. These beverages were permitted on campus. I, like everyone else there, had consumed way too much booze that night. Before I knew it, it was quite late and very dark. Above the gazebo was an old swimming pool that was under construction. It was fenced off and half filled with dirty water. Why, or how they did it, I don't know, but some of my classmates had managed to get in to the pool area. They returned to the gazebo where I was standing.....and before I knew it....had forcibly picked me up and headed up the hill to the pool. I told them to stop, to put me down....but they would not listen as I struggled. There were 4 of them, and for whatever reason, they held me by my limbs and threw me into the dirty water of the pool. I struggled to get out, going under several times and nearly drowing once. With no offer of help, I finally managed to crawl out of the pool and staggered back through the gazebo area...determined to go back to my room. I was shaken...afraid of what they had done to me. I wanted to be alone, but I was not to get the chance...

I was stopped on the way back by several more classmates, who talked me into staying...until I could dry off. They offered apologies of what had been done. And then it happened....I saw her and my rival arrive together....they walked in and she had looked as beautiful as I had remembered her from months past. I said nothing and told 2 of my friends that I should leave now. One grabbed me by the arm and told me to stay on this side and they would leave shortly. It could not have been more than a few moments later; before I knew it....my rival was inches from my face. He was full of the rage as he released a verbal assault on me. I was caught off guard and said nothing. I stood motionless, speechless.....as his anger flared. He demanded that I stop looking at her (where have I heard that before). As he was approaching the point of launching a physical attack on me, 2 other classmates interceded and stepped between us. Still, I had said nothing, done nothing....but stood in shock. I watched then as he took her away...arm in arm. Completely broken....I fell to my knees with emotion...asking what I had done to deserve this punishment. With that, several classmates helped me back to my room. I could hardly stand, with the combination of consumption of alcohol....my weakened physical state and trauamatized emotional state of what I just experienced. I remember little else of that night...other than leaving my room later, getting lost and wandering around for several hours trying to find it. I had only been there 3 days. For that night of misfortune....fate was finally satisfied......for a while.

It was graduation day soon enough. A full day lay ahead and people packed to go home....at least some of them did. The lucky ones.......who knew Spanish of the level the academy required. But that was not to be my fate....not that day...not that time.....not in that manner. I remember as if it were just an hour ago the circumstances of the graduation ceremony. Many of my classmates had relatives attend to watch the event unfold. However, before the ceremony......the last class photograph was to be taken. We were all bedecked in our dress blue uniforms....complete with gold trim. As we took our places on the graduated steps the photographer provided....I stood several rows up and to the left. There were about 30 in our class....and we all took out places.

Of course, she was there....and in her dress uniform....looked so beautiful. She had stood down one row and to the right of me. As we waited for our picture to be taken......I saw her long look good-by. She had locked her eyes unto mine and I could see the hurt, anguish, frustration and love.....love that would never be. It seemed like time was frozen for us both, neither wanting to break the invisible bond that now existed. The other people melted away...as did the troubles of my world. It was just her and I. Time slipped by and still, the bond held. No words were spoken......nor did any need be. All that was communicated was done through the souls of our connection. I can remember so clearly the look in her eyes, the sadness of her face, and the love of what was. It was the long look good-by......as we both knew we would never see each other again. Finally, I could take it no more and snapped my head forward.....as the tears were welling up inside of me. A heavy sigh escaped my lungs....and seconds later.......the photo was snapped. A moment caught forever in a grainy photograph of many years past. After that, we walked through the motions of graduation. I was handed a packet by the same director who had exiled me so many weeks ago. His voice full of hollowness as he bid me "good luck". He knew in his heart that I would never graduate from his academy of hell. As I left the building with my empty promises, I looked back one last time.....and caught one last glimpse of her..... and as I walked back alone to my prison of solitude....the rain fell...as did the tears.

To be continued..................