MY SOUL OF THE MOON-Chapter 5

I thought that I had reached the limit of what a human soul could endure......what pain a heart could hold. But again, I was required to experience a pain like no other. An emotional torture that I thought no man could endure. So it was for weeks without end. A litany of disasters that brought me to the brink....and as I teetered on the edge of the precipice, so deep and cold......the flame of my spirit was dying.....flickering to the frigid winds that came from below. It was my most desperate time, yet no comfort could I find.

Barred from the person of my affection by those that ruled....I became a shell of a man.....each step could spell doom, each look could be my last. It truly was a prison now. I was confined to my room, not unlike a cell.....not by bars of steel.... but by fear. I had no way of knowing who could be watching my every move...as those words from the director echoed through my mind. I dared not look at her, talk to her, touch her, comfort her .....as fear ruled my life. I became withdrawn as depression had set in. I went to great pains to avoid her gaze and presence...mindful of the commands I must obey. It was such torture and pain... for I so wanted to be there...to ease her burden, to share her fears and comfort her soul.

The repercussions of this earth bound hell would test the soul of any person. We were no exceptions. For what followed in the weeks ahead I can only describe as a lake of fire...made for torment, torture, pain and anguish. As I became more distant and withdrawn...the more it effected "Anna" and her friend. As each day passed, I witnessed from afar...the devastation I had wrought. There was so much pain, hurt and frustration. Seeing what had been weeks earlier, the happiest days of my life, fail so completely as to empty what was left in my soul. I cursed the empire for what they had done to us by erecting my wall of exile.

But by far, I can remember no sadder time, than to see "Anna" and her friend cry. Their tears would fall in class, for the whole world to see. Damn that bastard director to hell! How dare he be the cause of so much sorrow! It was all I could do to maintain my sanity. Each day was new depth of horror....a new level of pain. I was in shock..I could not control the shaking within my body. How she must have felt and hurt as I was forced to rebuff her looks and hide my head within my arms in shame. My heart broken....my laughter gone....I was forced to show obedience to the empire I now despised! Death could not come soon enough for me....as I would have rather died than see another tear fall from her pained face. I have never felt so much pain and guilt! My tears were plenty and sorrow without depth...as I begged God to reach down and put a stop to this. But yet, the days dragged on in a perpetual cycle of hell.

As if this were not enough pain....my rival knew of my weakness, my prison, as the empire held me hostage. As a person of comfort to my "Anna", he had managed to subvert her thought in her own state of weakness. And so it was that I had lost the love of my life. And for many days thereafter....there was no light...only darkness. Too many times did I hear "Anna's" frustration in the room next door. The anger, the crying, the shouting....as I had cried myself to tortured sleep, with an occasional uttering of an anguished wail from my pursed lips. Damn those fucking academy bastards! Damn them all to hell! As the conditions continued to descend into the bowels of hell...I had to do something, anything. I begged for a room change....to no avail. They had no problem moving another student to a townhouse room for religious undergarments; nor was I offered counseling, therapy, or other help for myself. I doubt for "Anna" and her roomate either. I was told to "buck it up". Damn those bastards!

If you think I have hit bottom yet...you would be wrong....as fate had even more sorrow in store for myself, "Anna", and in a twist of irony, my rival.

To be continued..........