MY SOUL OF THE MOON-Chapter 7

Though the time was getting shorter....I was becoming more ill. As my spirit and life had shut down, so was my body. I was in near constant pain. I stopped eating weeks earlier...as I often vomited what I had tried to eat...often mixed with the red signs of blood. My weight was falling ever faster. By the end of the course, I had shed nearly 40 pounds in 1 month....I felt so weak, so tired. I struggled to complete the courses, to complete the training, to slog through the remainder of what had been the most excruciating experience I would ever know. It was so very hard...my heart ached.....my body hurt. The shaking and tremors became worse. I was beaten down by the empire...sliding into my own oblivion. I could not understand what I had done that warranted the punishment that was raining down upon me. I wanted it to end....but fate would not let me loose of its' terrible jaws......its' thirst for my blood and soul never quenched. And so the torment continued.....unabated. Through all of this...did the empire show one shred of humanity....mercy....or decency? I was the chattel of the wheat...expendable.

But there were but a few instances of care and concern by several of the instructors and my classmates. I remember one day after a class....just 2 weeks before graduation...I was approached by my favorite instuctor, Billie Moxley. She asked me if she could talk to me about "Anna".....to which I responded....yes! In that, she had stated that "Anna's" children had writtten her letters and sent gifts. She wanted to know if I could give her the names of her 2 chidren, so that she may return the favor. It then hit me the hardest.....for I did not know their names.......and my failure seemed complete. She seemed surprised by my response....and then stated....."I thought that you and "Anna" were"...........and then she trailed off; as she realized that something was wrong. I saw a look of sadness come across her face. At that....she apologized to me and walked away...her head bowed low. I stood there for several minutes....contemplating what just happened. My body in shock, my mind in a fog. I had felt so alone at that very moment in time. The minutes alone soon stretched into an hour.....2 hours.....3 hours....as I wandered about the campus alone, in search of some answer that would not come. Ultimately.....the tears came and sorrow was mine again. Time marched on.

The last 2 weeks of training were the hardest yet. It should have been a great time of joy....as the fruits of our success were soon to be realized. But there was no celebration from within our class. Everyone knew what was going on....most had their opinions.....one way or the other.
It was a solemn time...a time of sadness......a time of hurt....of quiet reflection. I wondered if I would ever make it to the end.....as my health continued to fail. Time and again I sought help at the clinic...all I received were pills and potions to ease the pain to my body.....but nothing to comfort my wounded soul and broken heart. I could only imgagine the pain that "Anna" was feeling, for I would see her at times........alone and depressed. My tortured body and soul could not take much more of this. I was losing control of what little faculties I had left. Prohibited from even looking at her...I had to get in the briefest of glances.....but it took no doctor, no therapist, no expert...to know what pain she was in. And time marched on. I had turned to the only other crutch I could find to ease the pain I was in.......something that would surpress the feelings, the sadness, the hurt and the desolation of exile.......booze.

I would have thought that I had seen enough suffering, felt enough pain, saw too many tears.....but fate was still not satisfied. It demanded more sacrifice...... yet more blood, sweat and tears. It had prepared one final night of misgiving.... as if to throw that final dagger in my heart. It was a night like no other. A hell made to order for me.....to ensure my downfall, my desolation, my exile. To strip what was left of my dignity, humanity and love. To foil forever my dreams, ambitions and goals. Weakened for weeks without strength, purpose or value......I was no match for fates final plan.

To be continued....................