MY SOUL OF THE MOON Chapter 10

The closer I got to Los Angeles, the more anger I felt. Not against "Anna", her roommate, or even my rival. No, my anger was turned toward those in charge at the academy, my union and my district. I was angry at the way I was treated after the staff knew I was having problems. I was angry at the way my union abondoned me and for my district, who let it happen. I could never fault "Anna", her roommate, or even my rival for what happened. If anything, I would blame myself. We were unfortunate victims of a situation that got out of control. I wasn't prepared to fall in love, was not looking to fall in love.....but in the course of human events....there are some things that just happen. So it was with me. It just happened.....how was I to know I would fall in love with her? How would I know it would all end so tragically? I was just happy that "Anna", her roommate and even my rival did not suffer the career ended consequences I did. The anger welled even greater as I neared Los Angeles.

Upon my arrival back at LA, I immediately contacted the president of my union and told him what had happened. He seemed mad enough about it and vowed repeatedly that he would save my career. He claimed, over and over, don't worry.......your job is safe. I wish I had the confidence that he did......but I knew these people.....all too well. There would be no level low enough that they would not stoop to. No dirty trick foul enough to pull. Time dragged on as the empire shuffled me around, trying to figure out with to do with me. Eventually, I was assigned on a detail to the district office.....I surmised to keep an eye on me. My job was to review "green card" renewal applications sent from the employees at LAX. I was still told by the union......don't worry, we filed a complaint with the Federal Labor Relations Authority about them denying you representation. The next months passed quickly, as I was tucked away in a small cubicle......reviewing I-90 applications.

One day though, my supervisor informed me that I had a phone call. It was from a staff member at the academy. I was told that I needed to report the next day at a certain room.........for they were going to repeat the panel I had at the academy. They were trying to circumvent a possible order from the FLRA ordering my full return to duty. I only had a day this time. So once again......I sat before another panel while I was grilled and they passed around the letters, poems and drawings for new sets of eyes to see. The union president was with me, but he was of little use. He told me to keep silent....as much as possible. The head of this panel was......no surprise.......the assistant director of the academy. He told me that they were "redoing" the panel because of the complaint the union filed. I was promised that if it were found that I was unfairly dismissed, I would be readmitted to complete the Spanish course. Oh course......they had no intention of ever having me back to complete the Spanish course. They were just trying to save their asses from a mistake they had made.
The results.........no graduation certificate.........no completing the Spanish course. My career ever more in jeopardy.......and time marching on.

So they kept me stashed away in a small cubicle....reviewing those I-90s. Then one day, several months later......I had some visitors. No one bothered to warn me......to let me know who was coming. As everyone else ducked out, I was left alone. I felt a cold chill as I noticed 2 figures standing over me. Unfortunately for me, it was the District Director and Assistant District Director. The DD wanted to know who I was and why I was on detail to that office, and not at the airport......since I had my uniform on. I told him, and then he became angry and demanded to know why so many I-90 forms were being returned from the airport. I plainly informed him that because those employees were not completing them correctly....and would not be accepted by the service center. He became very angry with my response and started to yell at me. At that time the ADD interrupted him, he calmed down.......and they finally left. As it was, the very next day......I received my proposed notice to end my employment. It was to take effect in a little over 30 days. Of course I told the union.....and they still told me not to worry......my career would be safe. Well.....fate had another plan......and my career was not safe. In fact, the union was unable to stop the chain of events from happening. My separation came as had been promised. Separated for failing to complete the academy was the reason cited. So in this, the academy director had his revenge against me. His refusal to give me my certificate of graduation had ended my career. The union was powerless to stop it.....or so I thought. However, later it was revealed to me through sources that I was sacrificed so that the district would settle several other pending employee cases. The union, as had they done at the academy, abandoned me once again.

Of course, I appealed the separation to a quasi-official court called the Merit Systems Protection Board.....an administrative board of the empire. The day of the hearing came soon....too soon. The affair was to take place in a courtroom at the district office. The union refused to represent me, instead, passing me off to an attorney of limited practice. The day arrived. The courtroom was typical of any courtroom......the bench, opposing party tables and observers area. Many of my co-workers and friends were in attendance........it was a very sombering experience for me. When the hearing started.....the judge asked the government if there was any final settlement offered to me. They responded....just the one we had before.....he must resign. The judge told me that if I did not accept the settlement, he would write an opinion against me I would not believe. This was before any testimony was given. My attorney told me that if he did as threatened........it would cost me close to $100,000 to fight it. I still wanted to fight....to try and redeem something of my life. It was inconceivable to me that I would be in this precarious position over my love of a woman. Still, I wanted to fight these bastards.....for all that they had done to me.

But then a curious thing happened. My attorney informed me of something that would change my life as I knew it. I was told that the government had ordered my "Anna" and her roommate to fly to LA and to testify against me at the hearing. He told me that they did not want to come, but were forced to, as officers of the empire. They could not refuse......and I understood this as part of their duties. I harbored no ill will against either for their participation in this matter....for I knew the same regulations applied to all government employees. It was at this point that I made the decision of my lifetime. To fight or flee........that was the question before me. Up to this point.....I was ready to fight for my dignity, honor and equality. But that was before knowing that they had brought their "secret weapon" to bear down upon me. They knew my weakness, my love for her......and calculated their move well. Faced with this new dilemma, I could no longer stand and fight. I could never face her again only to watch as she had to be my undoing. I would not allow her to take this guilt. I could not stand to see her shed more tears in my name. To avoid any further pain to either "Anna" or her friend........I capitulated to the empire. I surrendered my body and soul.....my dignity, my redemption. Could I have won....... possibly.......but it was not worth the pain of having to see "Anna" bear the burden of such guilt. So I surrendered to the omnipotent empire. At this, I told the judge I would accept their settlement.....to resign my position and thus, end my career. As I demanded that the government remove and destroy any adverse information they held on me and allow me to resign to return to college.....someone was not happy. The attorney for the government was upset at the concessions I pushed for. Then, in the only act of mercy I had seen from anyone in a long time.....the judge did something unexpected. He angrily turned toward the attorney and uttered these words...."What more do you want from the guy? You have taken everything he has got!". With those words, the government backed down and granted the modest concessions I had sought.

Though my career was over.....and my life in ruin....I had spared my "Anna" and her friend the pain and guilt of what would have been so hard to see and feel. I would not subject them to any more pain of the type we had at the academy. In this respect, my sacrifice was worth it. The courtroom fell silent as I accepted my defeat. My friends looked with sadness at me......knowing it was over. With that.....I gathered up my belongings, said some parting good-bys.......and departed the building. I never actually got to see "Anna" again...as she was in another room. As I walked to the car.....my life in shambles, my love lost, my dreams over....the tears came and sorrow was mine again. Fate had finally won. Fin.

This concludes Episode 1, My soul of the Moon, Guilt, Regret and Love!. Though this battle was over, my war raged on with the empire. That is a story for Episode 2. Soon to come..........