OLD PHOTOS

I should have known what would happen. I knew it, but hoped it would not be as strong.....alas.....it was. I am refering to the old class photographs of when I went to the Immigration Officers Academy. There were 2 different photos taken. One was done in khaki shirts about halfway through the course...and the other was done at graduation, in our dress blue uniforms.

I had not been able to find the copies I had for well over a year....they were stored in my cousin's office...and he came across them just this week. I am trying to improve their quality on my MS Digital Image Suite software. But....I knew it would happen. As I looked upon them...there she was. Just as pretty and radiant as ever. It was like I was instantly transported back in time....to when those photos were taken. It seems like it was only yesterday. Wow...where has the time gone anyway? The first photo...I think it is the best. This was taken before the huge mess got out of control. So there I am...standing with a stoic look and there she is, right behind me with a beautiful smile. How can I forget that. We were so close..as to be cuaght in that pose for all time. It is too bad that it was such a short happy time. I thought that I would spend the rest of my life with her.

Then in marked contrast...was the second photo...of us in our dress uniforms.
I am nearly in the same position as before, but she is now on the other side of the group. She still looks as beautiful and radiant...but underneath...a world of tension, hurt and sorrow resided for us both. And just to think, that moments before that photo was taken...we had looked into each others eyes for what seemed like an eternity. I will always remember that moment. It is burned forever in my soul. These 2 photographs mean the world to me. It was when I was still somebody...I had a career...a beautiful girl I loved...and life was still good to me. It was before my fall...my disgrace and my dishonor.

More than anything...I wish I could go back into time before the disaster...and make the wrong things right. Only in my dreams will this be. Life has very few "do-overs". Still...as long as I have a breath to draw and blood to pump...my heart will not surrender completely the dreams I once held.
Seeing her once again...brings back the memories of old. I think of what has transpired for her the last 13 years. I guess she probably got married and moved on. Too bad I couldn't do the same thing. For me...I am still stuck in the past...beating a dead horse...tilting at windmills...and dreaming my life away. I still burn that flame of love as if it were just lit. I look at her in those old photographs...and I know why I loved her to begin with. Why I still do.
It makes no sense...but then again...matters of the heart never make sense.
Some people never get over a true love...I guess that will be me.
A wondering soul lost in the lucid void of time and space. At least I can set my eyes upon her in those photographs...my memories...my life...my past, present and future. Sigh......