Easter

In a few days, Easter will be upon us. What will I be doing...likely going to church, then to my cousin's for his birthday. For anyone who is even a little religious, then some introspection of your life should be in order on that day. I know it will be for me. Of course...every day is self evaluation for me. But when the elements of religion are introduced in the evaluation process...things tend to be more clouded. Blind faith is expected to shape your life and values more than other factors.

For me...I am having an exceedingly difficult time in retaining that blind faith of which I am expected to hold. It is not merely a question of my existence...but also a question of the existence of supernatural beings controlling events in my life. By supernatural beings...I am referring to a supreme deity. Obviously, this being would not hail from planet Earth...since it was alleged to have been created by that same being. Therefore...the moniker of "supernatural" fits the description of my thoughts.

My doubts are particularly accute when I see what path my life has taken the last 45 years. Not a rosy one that I would have wished for. It is not unlike speaking into a dark empty void...with never a response to hear. No matter how many times I have prayed, begged, pleaded or asked...the supreme deity has yet to respond in ways that improve the lives of others, or myself. Is it pointless to continue this charade? Maybe...maybe not. I cannot tell as I am only a simple human...one without the understanding that an everliving deity would have. I guess I would not be alone though...for was it not Christ himself who questioned God when he was bound to the cross. Was it not Christ who asked why God he had abandoned him? With this in mind, I cannot even begin to grasp any plan that the supreme deity would have for me...as all I have seen for most of my life is repeated disappointment, rejection and heartache. In a small way...I guess these things are my cross to bear...mu burdens. For what end...I have no way of telling.

So it is that those of whom I beg forgiveness will remember this Easter time; to look into thenselves...and evaluate what matters the most to them. I cannot force anyone to offer forgiveness, or friendship...it is something that must come from heart of those persons alone. I can only extend the olive branch of peace...and hope that they can find it in themselves to respond in kind. I know that in my heart...the supreme being has given to me the chance to make amends for the wrongs that I have done. The feelings that I have hurt. The hearts that I have broken. The lies that I have told. The anger that I have held and the regret that I have hidden.

Apologies without meaning are useless. So it is that my apologies come from my deepest regions...my soul and heart. I know and understand what transgressions I have commited and seek to right the wrongs of the past. It is my atonement exemplified in the resurrection and forgiveness of Christ this Easter day. As I contemplate my successes and failures this Sunday...I hope that all of you do to. I wish to all a happy Easter.