The Los Angeles Riots....13 years later.

It was 13 years ago that the City of Los Angeles suffered from the riots that killed 64 people...and burned over 1,100 buildings. I can remember the event...not because I was there at the time...but because I was not there. You see...at the time the riots were happening, when martial law was declared, when LA was burning...I was going through my own major episode at Glynco, Georgia. It was difficult to watch as my home port was under siege...and I was helpless to do anything.

It was at this time that I was having my own problems at the academy. I had made some mistakes regarding my love interest...and things started going downhill real fast. Just prior to the riots...I had been ordered avoid her at all costs...by command of the Director. It was bad enough for me to be losing the girl I loved...but to see my city locked down...burning in anger.
It was the double jinx. I had to try and endure these pressures...but it was a losing battle. My mind and soul...clouded by my love for her...could not function as they should have.
The problems seemed to be compounded by the day. My choices were so limited in what I could do. Especially given the fact that I was under direct orders of the staff to avoid even looking at her.

Boy...some choice. Not only did I have to be near her most of the day in class....but after that...she was only feet away from me...in the next room. Yet I was expected to honor the orders I had been given. So here I was...watching my love life crumble...my career crumble...and my home city crumble. Just how much could one guy take anyway? Even when things got so bad...the staff still refused to let me move to another room. Well...you get the idea of what it was like for me. To top that off, I had to watch helplessly as a fellow classmate moved in on my girl. Day after day...he would be with her...and he would be in her room...the one next to mine! It was unbearable. It was utter torment. It was my own private hell in exile.

So yes...the LA riots have a special meaning for me...above and beyond the class struggle. It was the time that signaled the end of my life as I would know it. It was a time when the weakness of men failed and my dreams were to be forever buried. It was the true start of my fall from grace...to my utter disgrace and embarassment. How quickly did things fall apart? It all happened within the span of a few short weeks. As my life crumbled away...still...the torch of love I held for her...and still hold for her. I cannot love another...as 13 years of separation still has not dimmed the flame of love that burns within my soul.

But you may wonder...did the riots effect me personally? Well, besides the immediate tribulations...I was to learn but a few weeks later that a storage unit I had rented was vandalized and burned. So to were many possessions I had owned...including a classic car I was restoring. All gone...just like the embers of my life. Despite the tremendous pressures weighing down on me...did the academy staff even care...the heartless bastards? Hell no! They did virtually nothing to help me get through the crap that was going on. I was prohibited from communicating with her...denied any room changes for weeks on end...never referred to see any counselor or priest. So what did they expect me to do? Well...as one of the class instructors told me "buck it up". I tried...God did I try...but it was still useless. I was but inches from a complete nervous breakdown by the time the ordeal was over...but still was never allowed to seek counseling. And of all the people there...I was the only one who was ever punished for anything...even though the classmate interloper had came within a hairs breath of launching a physical attack on me...after laying on a verbal barrage. Then I had to stand there silently...while he walked away with my love...arm in arm. That was the final straw...my emotional state could not take anymore...and broke down like I had never done before. Weeks of abuse had taken their toll on me. I was truly beaten down...defeated. It was then that I knew that I had lost the game...the game of love, life, happiness, joy, meaning and purpose. My failure was complete.

So each year at this time...I recall with passion the LA riots...and what they mean for me. The start of many years of tribulation that endures to this day. Sigh........