Can't We Just Forgive?

Maybe I am too cynical...or maybe I am just not reaching the right parties. Whatever it is...I seem to be buried deep in a black hole. So it would seem with these postings for the last year. Not one person of whom I tried to apologize to...make amends...or offer forgiveness...has responded in any way. Am I the only one on the web...I doubt it.

If indeed they have any knowledge of my repeated attempts to beg forgiveness...silence they have maintained. I can not see what could be so difficult in granting me this one small request. After all...only I lost everything resulting from the mishaps of 14 years past. Only I lost my career...my security...my dignity...my friends and my love. I lost all of it. Everything that was me was gone in a matter of weeks. None of the other people lost what I did...yet I am further punished by their abject silence. Words spewed of anger and hatred would serve me better then silence. I have been an outcast rebel for 14 years now. Ostricized by society...shamed by my misdeeds...judged by the government...abandoned by my God.

Perhaps I should have taken my leave of this spiteful country we call America. There is no room for people like me. There are no lexicons for "I am sorry"..."I forgive you"...lest you be some crooked politician, celebrity or business tycoon. Do I not feel enough regret and remorse...enough guilt and pain...enough sorrow and pity? What more do I have to do for my sins to be absolved? Even Nixon was forgiven. Yet still must I live in my purgatory from those I was most connected with. Hell...even the commander of that cursed academy of which saw my fall...accepted my apology...and offered his own...most graciously. But those of whom I once called friends...and the one whom I called my love...show no pity upon my soul. Ours is not to question the reasons why things are...but to act upon them as we would have others do unto us...given the little time we are granted upon this earth.

It bears witness to the times in which we live. Greed...power...vengence...wealth...hatred. Are they not the new mythology of this empire...of this world? As each year passes...so it seems ever more clear. What once we stood for...decays like a rotting oak. Only after decades...does it know it is too sick to heal. What medicine could have cured it...is tossed away without thought. Not unlike the souless aberrations that rule the countries of the world.

So it remains for me to live in isolation...a recluse and rebel...torn asunder of the life I once loved and the Soul of the Moon...of whom I still do.